The Girl in the Shadows

They all know me but they don’t know me personally. They say I’m nice, sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful and trustworthy. They don’t know me or how I really am. What they don’t know is that I just want a friend, someone I can count on, someone to love other than my family. I want someone to be there for me, and most of all I want someone to care. Everyone has their own battles but not everyone can fight them alone, even though they seem stronger than you are. I know that because the people who I think are strong come to me for advice. When I need advice who do I turn too? Where can I go? Yes I am thankful for the friends and family I have around me. I am always grateful for the things I have. Deep down I know I can have more, but when will it be my turn? I try to be supportive of everyone but truthfully it has done nothing but send me back to square one. Back to the place I was excited to leave. When I turn bitter, I see everyone excelling. When I try to be supportive I still see people excelling. When will it be my turn? When can I finally see some progress in my my life? That’s all I want. I want to work towards my happiness but my happiness comes from seeing people happy which I enjoy. I don’t mind helping people. I enjoy people feeling better knowing that I have helped them. At the end of the day, I am drained and lost in a world where I know I can be doing big things but something is holding me back. I feel like I've ended up with people that made me feel alone because they only call me when they need me. I learned how to plan my life around what I really want in life, and that doesn't include many people. It's ok. I've learned to deal with loneliness by doing things I like by myself.

Reviving Myself Through Nature

One of the hardest things you can do is pick yourself up after you have fallen down. Knowing that people won’t be there for you as you much as you are for them is heart-wrenching. I am always the one people depend on, but I can't find the right person to depend on. I have a few close friends that I can depend on to have a good time and release some stress, and they are my best friends. When times get tough I’ve learned to keep it to myself and stay by myself. Why? Because at the end of the day, people don’t care. Another reason is that everyone is going through their own battles and don’t have time to help people. I can understand that but sometimes we all need someone we can just vent too. Nature is my best stress reliever. Hiking through the woods can not only release stress but you can also find yourself while doing it. I was never a nature person and if I ever went hiking I always wanted someone to come with me. Now, I don’t mind going on hikes by myself because I can go at my own pace and reflect on everything. Drugs can cure the pain temporarily, but once you find something that will always be there, it is easier for the pain to go away knowing that your place will always be there. Nature is a natural beauty, and remedy for stress. Nature has become a safe haven for me, whether I want to go for a walk or simply sit somewhere and do homework. It is quiet, peaceful, and alive. Reviving yourself can be hard but it can also be rewarding. Finding and taking care of yourself first can help you move on with your daily activities. Make time to do things by yourself and everything else will fall into place.