The Adventures of Captain Snapchat

If you are able to come to terms with the next thing that I am about to say, your life will become somewhat easier. I’m sorry to be the bearer of this news, but you need to hear it. Nobody. Gives. A. Shit. I’m sorry but it’s true.

Ask yourself this question, regardless of where you live, when was the last time you had an engaging conversation with your neighbor? Not the "hey, how are you" cordial bullshit that we always do, but a genuine real conversation when you got to know who the person who lives next to you really is. Now, I’m sure there are people who are reading this who are saying, “fuck you, guy behind a keyboard, my neighbors are awesome, we hang out all the time.” To those that are saying that, keep it up, you’re helping us as a society, everyone else, you can take a note from those people.

It’s no secret that we are living in the most self-centric time ever. If you don’t believe me, take a look at your Instagram account. How many posts are of you? How many are of the 'look at me' variety? Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be proud of an accomplishment or an achievement, I’m talking about the “look at me” variety. I’ll give you an example.

Last summer I went to Jones Beach Amphitheater; now, if you don’t know what that venue is, check it out, it’s frickin' awesome. The stage is IN THE WATER! I went to see Rise Against and The Deftones. We had general admission floor tickets, a 30, maybe 50 foot area in front of the stage, no chairs, just a stage, a sea of humans and concrete floor, it was awesome. Now, at the time, I was 39 years old, way out of any demographic that would typically occupy a GA area — but fuck it right, the stage is RIGHT THERE, I’ll hold my own. But I soon realized I was in a foreign land and not because of the slam dancing, but something more threatening: a cell phone. As the show started, the phones came out, and the band started playing. Yes, I took pictures too, there’s even a good one that I took uploaded into this article; but I took pictures of the show. I wasn’t the kid next to me with his Snapchat on selfie mode recording himself singing the song that the actual band was singing 30 feet in front of him. All I wanted to say to him was look buddy, anyone that is watching this that you're posting thinks your a fucking idiot. The band is right there, they don’t want to see you try and sing their song. But this the world we live in. It made him feel cool and I guess that’s what matters most.

Why did I use such an example that I just yammered on about? Well, I’ll tell you. Now we can look at captain Snapchat in one of two ways. 1: leave the kid alone, he had his fun and it’s his account he can do what he wants. Yup this is very true. Or we can look at it from the darker side. At the end of the night, captain snappy probably sent text messages to his friends or maybe even the girl he was crushing on at the time.

“Yo did you see my snaps from the show?”

“Yeah, man, they were great!”

At this point he probably went to bed saying to himself, “yeah, they think I’m awesome, my snaps were great, I’m awesome.” I’m sorry to report sir, you’re wrong, very, very wrong. Let’s analyze.

“Yeah, man, they were great,” said by his buddies. The thought process goes like this: shit, he knows I saw his shit so I have to respond.

“Yeah, man, they were great,” said by his crush while she’s biting her lip fighting a screaming orgasm as the guy she’s “in love with” goes down on her.

Eventually, captain snappy is going to realize that his friends and crush said these things to make him feel good, but they really didn’t give a shit. At this moment he has two choices. He can dwell in the fact that people he has invested time, thought and care into, don’t give a shit, and find himself crying into his pillow in a depressive state. That’s not good for anyone. Don’t wallow in your self pity; it’s an ugly trait. Or he can go with option two. Celebrate the fact that no one gives a shit! Be happy about it. Understand that somewhere inside himself is a genuine good person, because we all have it inside of us and that one day, those people will probably seek his friendship again.

I think the point of all of this comes down to this: understand that we live in a world where people will look out for number one, and that’s their prerogative. If you're lucky to find people that seem to care about you, your interests, and your well being, appreciate it, but don’t invest too much of yourself in them; they care about their own shit more. Learn to celebrate that people don’t give a shit. Celebrate your life and turn your selfie-facing camera out to the world, no matter how good looking you are, Mother Nature is gorgeous.