Carolyna The Rambler
Bio
My name is Carolyna the Rambler can follow me on FB and youtube too. I enjoy writing the truth, the reality and heartfelt stories by experience, so that is what you will get from me.
Stories (8/0)
Finding the right doctor, what to think about!
Hey everyone, Carolyna the Rambler here. So I hope you watched my videos for Carolyna the Rambler on facebook so you have a bit of a backstory and also read some of my previous articles here on Vocal to have a better understanding of my perspective and point of views.
By Carolyna The Rambler2 months ago in FYI
Living With a Creative Mind
Living With a Creative Mind Just imagine; You are in bed and you can’t sleep, what do you do? You think about life, you think about how your day went, what you will be doing the following day and coming weekend, right? Now Just imagine you just passed this beautiful 3 story glass house now what is your mind thinking? My creative mind state the obvious, I can’t afford it yet, but then it starts thinking of ways to utilize the glass house, if you make it into a Bed and Breakfast, a SPA, a saloon or it could be turned into an art program a place where people go for creative artistic therapy and so on. Now continue closing your eyes and Imagine that you walked through a neighborhood where there are tents on the sidewalk but you're single or married and you start to think of ways you can help people instead of looking at the faults you look at different angles and views on how you can help them. Now you just got back from this wonderful vacation and you saw this undeveloped land that had become neglected and you start to imagine to yourself what if you had access to all resources to develop anything you want, what would you create, what would you develop? Could you combine other ideas you have or you come up with an idea that’s unique in itself? And lastly you meet a group of people and imagine how can you help them become better individuals, because face it, we all have bad habits or some type of behavior we wish we didn’t have, and you can tell yourself that you don’t have any but just like the word perfection the actual meaning of that word doesn’t exist so we all have things we need to work on in our life and it is so important to be honest with yourself. Anyhow, what do you do when you live with a mind that is constantly active and creative? Some people may utilize their skills by writing books, some others start their own business, some people may be using their creative mind proactively but just imagine if you had the same skills as these people and you could do the same things but a part of you stops you from proceeding and stops you from taking action. Again this is not just one night that you can’t sleep this is every single night and day that your mind keeps creating something out of nothing, and some nights your mind get so creative it makes you happy and smile and laugh at your ideas middle of the night now you become wide awake because you created a masterpiece, the sad part of the all your not able to share your masterpiece with others because it’s all stuck in your mind. The days your mind is hunting a visual project, at night it comes to life and sometimes the visual project may take weeks to get all puzzle pieces together and a lot of sleepless nights. Now this is a life some of us are living with or who knows maybe I’m one in a billion with this highly active creative mind. Oftentimes to calm the mind, I noticed listening to meditation music can feel very relaxing but no. Turn meditation music on and ask yourself what do you hear? What do you see? You hear a flute you see running water, and imagine a forest with a sunrise or sunset in your mind and suddenly you have a painting in front of you, it’s still going your creative mind so no matter what we do in life and no matter what we tell ourselves, what we think is being creative and for some people it can be exhausting but it is so much fun so if you have the creative mind and have the ability, start document your ideas and the sooner you start doing it in life the better for you as you have an outlet of your creative ideas, and as you grow older you can make them into a reality. Don’t be like me, being me with my creative mind, it is exhausting. Good luck on your creative endeavors in life. Written by Carolyna the Rambler
By Carolyna The Rambler2 months ago in Motivation
Life of Invisibility
No matter what I do what I try and no matter how positive and supportive I can be I still feel I get stabbed in the back and suffer and in turn I have to ask for help over and over in the end the only result there is; is me becoming invisible but it is understandable when it comes to your friends because who wouldn’t be tired of me or you always asking for help, it’s draining the life out of you. I even tell myself I will only be there for my friends from hereon. I will never ask for a favor or ask for help. But here we go again, can you help me? I am so fed up asking for help and it’s only because I tried helping other people I myself get burned. And I look at my life, and ask myself what did I do to deserve this? Because I try and I do my best to make my friend's life easier but here we go again. Why me? From the gecko of life it hasn’t been easy but I have fought the odds, and I tell myself I can be happy I do deserve this but over and over I get burned if it’s not my job it’s my personal life that gets hit hard. So what do you do when you are in a situation like that because if it wasn’t for my dog I would take my life and I say that because that’s how I feel, no matter how much I like to end it I know I would never do it because even if I get burned over and over I still have a lot to live for and so do you. It’s important to express yourself because then it won’t get bottled up. I have always been invisible for as long as I can remember, for example I post for help and I get 800+ views and not a single response not even words of wisdom or advice and not even a snarky comment, on top of that with my videos barely any view like three views, seven the most and that just tells me over and over how invisible I am, and writing this article why am I doing it because I know I am not alone feeling like this but why keep writing I only have 6 views for 1 of 3 or 4 articles, why waste my time to write if I am invisible? Because I lived in this invisible bubble for so long that now I am absolutely terrified of success. If it makes people cold and stabbing in the back, why would I want success? I would want success because I deserve it, because you deserve it. So I write this in hopes of lees invisibility. Now lets go again and for the best life, having faith in life is everything, if invisible at least make your life visible to yourself and make yourself happy regardless of others while still being good to others. Things we can do to express ourselves instead of bottling it up; Write and write, meditate, and go for walks and hikes anything that get us to release the toxins in our body and it’s important to find our self awareness because once we have that we can navigate our body better if it’s to eat healthy or just being able to express ourselves. Because even if we are invisible to others we are not invisible to ourselves and that is very important to remember because why shouldn’t you be happy, do what makes you smile and laugh and put it in your keepsake memory box so when we are sad we still have good memories that will beat the self doubt.
By Carolyna The Rambler3 months ago in Confessions
Having Triggers and living with someone with triggers from severe trauma.
How to handle being around people with triggers from severe trauma from life when you have your own triggers. If you read my other articles you have an insight of who I am and that I come from a traumatized background. I have been taught and I have learned throughout the years what my triggers are and what tools I have to use when the triggers happen, and I have come to a point where my life is balanced. Now that doesn’t mean triggers magically disappear, they are still there, I have just learned to deal with them when it happens and people around me won’t see the reactions from me. Now having to deal with triggers is not the easiest when you live with someone who has experienced severe trauma and never been taught the tools to handle their triggers. Now it’s not easy as every conversation can be a trigger for the person, so what do you do when they blow up on you? Well to not get triggered myself I start taking a deep breath and I tell myself it will be okay because at the end of the day you didn’t do anything wrong and this is their trigger from words relating to their past trauma.
By Carolyna The Rambler4 months ago in FYI
Things we do for family
I was living in San Francisco, I had a job. I was humbled with a place to call home and on top of it I got to bring my dog to work, and on the weekends we go on hikes and road trips, I was living life to the fullest and couldn’t complain. My background is complicated. It's a life no one can really comprehend and even if I don’t want to admit it my background will always be with me wherever I go. I am married but once upon a time I had to flee for my life it was no fun no jk the abuse got to much for me, 6 months later he kills a drug dealer, yes he was battling mental health issues but that drug dealer could of been me, so I am blessed to still be here today and he is serving life in prison 45 years. I am still married to him because I feel I need to be there for my mother in law who is devastated that her son committed murder 1st degree. Because once I break the tie with a divorce she will no longer be family and as long as she needs me I will be here for her as I am truly devastated that my marriage ended up so chaotic as he was my one and only true love. I have not been in a relationship for 16 years and I'm turning 42 this year. It's kind of sad, but in my upbringing I was taught to care for others and that I wasn’t as important as long as other people who needed me were happy. So that’s my complicated background and even if I was couple of states over I always kept in touch with my mother in law, but the older she got she has come to a point where she needs family in her life or she will end it, of course it’s not something she says but it’s the actions she has taken in the past that worries me so how can I be there for her if she needs more than a phone call? That is when I decided the best course of action was to go on leave at my job but didn’t qualify so got fired instead. So me and my dog moved from the west to midwest and it’s scary because the west Bay area only has 3 seasons no snow, and it’s been 10 years since I experienced a cold snowy winter and it scares me to because when in a earthquake you can protect yourself, but here in midwest if there’s a tornado I have nowhere to go nowhere to protect myself from it and that scares the life out of me. On top of that my body can’t handle the cold. I become easily immobilized so it’s harder for me to function but I am here because of my family, mother in law needs me. So, the things we do for our family like picking up moving half way cross country it’s okay because at the end of the day I know it’s temporary. When I know she is good I can move back to the west. Point with this article is to share with you that you are not alone, because the things we do for love and family for us it’s worth it as it’s feeding our hearts with good. And even if we may not like the hassle or complication we can always remind ourselves that it’s just temporary. If we are young we have a whole life to live while our elders may not have that long as we do. If I can make someone's day I will and family is everything regardless of your situation.
By Carolyna The Rambler4 months ago in Confessions
First Two Weeks of School (college) Completed -
Before school starts we buy school books, we buy school supplies and we buy school outfits, we buy all the necessary things to be prepared for school, but we also buy things to feel motivated for school. Now we do these things also to make us feel less overwhelmed, and it helps. Although now we have to figure out our school schedule and our study time, our breaks to stretch, maybe get some fresh air, and some meditation time maybe and it can be a lot in the beginning.
By Carolyna The Rambler3 years ago in Education
Depression & Anxiety
I never thought I would be having anxiety until I got it back in August of 2019 due to trauma at work. Since then I've been struggling with anxiety and depression. Depression passed after being on medication for a year and then attending counseling sessions for 6 months. I still have some bad days but we all have good and bad days so I am happy about that. My anxiety increased and it didn't get better and I have all the tools, breathing techniques, meditation, exercises, stimulation, you name it I have probably tried it.
By Carolyna The Rambler3 years ago in Psyche
Quarantine, We The People and The World
We all have different emotions and deal with emotion differently, end of the day we still got to be there for one another, you are not alone. March 15 2021 is coming up and It’s been a year since our first stay at home order in California, USA. We have lost loved ones, we have lost friends, colleagues, neighbors, and strangers we don’t know, suddenly we have a time out. A Time out from our life - A Time out from our mind - A Timeout from our days - A Time out from the world. We have had to adapt to a zoom land, zoom world and it hasn’t been easy say the least. Parent’s that have dealt with homeschooling and then you have parents who have not been able to see their child due to stay at home order or due to their service to our nation. I am heartbroken just thinking of how many people that are and feeling alone and don’t know how to absorb this year long tragic event. I am here to say there is always a light end of the tunnel, and if it’s to heaven or to a better life here on earth only GOD knows. Having a life when you don't have a life - Having hope when you don't have any hope - Living a life with hope. Remember one thing, life would be extremely boring if we didn't have any challenges.
By Carolyna The Rambler3 years ago in Motivation
