Your Own Path

Since childhood, our brains, more so, our subconscious, act like a sponge absorbing everything we are exposed to. From the language used by those around us, rules later imposed, to the subtext of both.

Have you noticed how a toddler is more uninhibited, fearless, compared to a (for example) 5-year-old? What has this kid experienced that makes him/her hold back?

Sure, not all kids would react the same. Some will ignore any critic and judgement while others will build a bubble around them.

While reflecting on my upbringing, I started to notice some patterns. Most of my relatives (myself included) studied abroad at some point. Most of them have returned to their hometown, some married, some are taking care of their parents. There’s only one cousin, and myself, still living and setting roots in the city of our choice.

There’s an expectative for the single woman to return home, while a man gets praised for starting a life abroad. As a society, we have advanced so much, yet certain aspects have stayed obsolete. Men still enjoy more freedom than women. If you have started your family, you are in a good track, according to most. But if you have neither started a family nor have your career in progress, you are in trouble.

Why is she still doing there? Why is she struggling so much? Come home already, her parents are growing old. With that career she picked, her chances of succeding are very slim. Is she ever getting married to that guy she’s dating?

I’ve heard it all.

One wonders, for those who returned, how much was their true desire to set roots in their hometown and how much was the decision driven by the pull from culture, family, fears, even religion.

Because even when I’m not interested in following what my relatives did, theres a small part of me wanting to fit in with them. I’m not a particularly religious person but what I was taught as a kid, is still there in the back of my mind.

The price of fitting in a group (like our family) could be pretty high. It’s when we have to decide whats more important to us: fitting in but being unhappy or being the lone wolf, yet fulfilling everyone of our dreams.

I don’t want to think, or make you believe that to accomplish your dreams you have to walk alone. Maybe only walking alone while you find people with the same mindset as you.

There’s something in our subconscious, that stayed from our early days that could be holding us back in our personal progress. A friend of mine shared, while in her grandfathers funeral (she was 12) one friend of her mother told her: “You have to be very strong for her.”

Be strong for her? How can you ask that to a child? I was grieving too!

Somehow she had this sense that her mother's happiness is her responsibility. And it’s not!

We apply strong expectatives, even without noticing, than could do more harm than good.

In our daily decision making process; How much do we let external expectations, traditions etc, influence our decisions? Are we really listening to our desires?

On our last day in this earth, there won’t be any chance to do rewrites. The book will be already in the printing stages.

Be sure to listen first to you, make yourself happy. How’s the synopsis of your book going to read? Made tons of money in a job that ate your spirit? Follow the traditions of your family when you really didn’t care for such traditions?

You may have hear some form of this phrase: The most important relationship you will ever have its with yourself.

Set yourself free, write your book, your way.