You Have Got to Love Yourself

I am 22 years old with a bachelor's degree under my belt from one of the most distinguished universities in America. I graduated with a 3.92 GPA and concrete plans of immediately continuing on with my education to pursue my master's degree. A few weeks before the application deadline for graduate school, I realized I had not even begun to fill it out. This was highly unlike me, as I have always been motivated to achieve what I want, and it hit me that perhaps this meant that wasn't what I really wanted. As the deadline continued to approach, I became even less intrigued at the idea of going. However, pursuing a full-time job did not intrigue me either, and not because I was not willing to work, but because the idea of settling into a less-than-ideal career that did not leave me oozing with passion at the end of the day sounded terribly dreadful. The deadline eventually passed, and I continued on with my previous part-time job.

Perhaps it was the abrupt disturbance of my plans or the ever-present question of "What the hell am I doing with my life?” that clambered in my brain nearly 24/7, but I began to lose motivation, happiness, and the desire to do anything other than sleep and lifelessly watch shows on Netflix for hours on end. I have always had a plan for my education and my career, but I never had a plan for my happiness, and that became evident when I decided to scratch my plans of graduate school, and I was left with nothing else to fill the void. Sure, working hard and obtaining a good job would bring about a certain amount of happiness in my life, but a person cannot live a truly fulfilling life while neglecting themselves.

There is a quote I stumbled upon quite some time ago that has always stood out to me—“If I asked you to name all the things you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?” I have not the slightest clue who spoke those words, but they have continued to stick with me. The same concept could be applied to a person’s happiness—if I asked you to name all the things that make you happy, how long would it take for you to name yourself?

We live in a society that encourages its members to indulge every part of ourselves into the relationships we partake in, our education, our career, our image—and our identity is based on the number of friends we have, or more recently, the number of followers we have on Instagram, if we have a successful job, if we are in a relationship. When we run into people we have not seen in a while, it is our inclination to ask them, “Are you going to school?”; “Are you working?”; “Are you dating anyone?” If the answer to these questions is, “Yes, I am,” we tend to take that response to mean that they are happy and they are doing well because they are fulfilling all the standard expectations of society. But the reality is that while these things might make a person happy, they do not and will never provide inner happiness, nourish self-love, or complete a person’s identity.

If you are in a relationship, imagine that it has ended. If you have a job you love, imagine that you have lost it. If you have all sorts of friends, imagine that those friendships have faded out. Would you be happy? No, of course not. But if you were asked to name all the things you love and all the things that make you happy, would that list then be empty, or would you be able to name yourself?

I am by no means minimizing the importance of doing what you love and having people in your life who you love because they certainly are a crucial element to a well rounded and happy life, but no matter how many things or people you love, you absolutely have to love yourself; you must know who you are as a person, and develop an identity that is not solely based on being a boss, an employee, a significant other or a friend.

I fear there are many others out there alongside myself who in the midst of their lives have neglected their relationship with themselves, although it is often difficult to determine if you are one of those people if your life is filled with so many wonderful things. If this is the case for you, you are so terribly lucky, but I do hope that if one day it all came crashing down, you have taken the time to love yourself enough to get through it.