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You Deserve the Best

You are worthy and valuable. Don't listen to anyone who tells you the opposite.

By Mariposa BlancaPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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Have you ever thought about how worthless you were and how undeserving you were of everything that is good in this world? Yes? But... have you ever asked yourself why you're thinking about that in the first place? I did.

After I spent so many years of my life listening to what people spout about me in a critical and hurtful way, I started wondering what was wrong with me. Why from all the classmates around and all the people, it had to be me who was bullied. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be born because everything was wrong with me and I was damaged. Therefore, when anyone showed any kind of sympathy towards me, even if the way they did was not healthy. I felt important and loved as I belonged somewhere. Unfortunately, it didn't last and I got hurt, so many times and so many ways. Until I was left wondering, not only what was wrong with me, but also why I had no luck in life and interpersonal relationships.

The consequences of everything that happened in my life left me with a sour taste in the mouth and little to no desire to keep living, but I would survive just because. I always expected the worst to happen and I was never surprised when It did. I had no love to myself and I'd put myself in situations with the mindset that it didn't matter because I was worthless.

One day, I got tired of being a victim of life, and I started changing because in my mind, after so many punches, I was still alive and I had to defend myself, so I did. I ran away from the toxic environments I was involved in. I left my friends who weren't friends and focused on myself. I built walls around so nobody would come close to me. I had so many hard days because even though I isolated myself from the people that weren't supposed to be in my life worked. Now I was alone. I didn't know anyone. I had to go out to a place that was completely different to me, aggressive and competitive. Time went by and I met some people, some of them were there for their personal interest, but some others really cared—I could see that—so I built a tiny door in my wall and started letting them in little by little, accepting that nobody was perfect and I had to work hard in order to build meaningful relationships.

All that happened, this period of time taught me that real relationships are hard. It doesn't matter what type they are, love or friendship, they take a lot of effort, recognizing that I am not perfect, letting go of my pride (which I still haven't found the way to fix yet), and being a little bit more humble. Forgiving, but learning.

In the end, I learned that I deserve the best for all that I am. Nobody can tell me what I deserve because I am the only one who knows myself, and if someone tries to tell me I am in the way, I'd be like, No, you can't see inside me, get the f off my life, please. I wish I could make other people see inside themselves and know their worth because there are so many people out there suffering, and they have so many good qualities, that the only thing they don't deserve is suffering. Nobody does.

Everyone is the way they are because everyone has a past, and with new situations going on every day. I hope everyone has a friend out there who tells them to keep going. It does get better. I've seen it. If you don't have someone to tell it to you, even if I am not the person you want to hear it from, YOU DESERVE THE BEST! Keep holding on.

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About the Creator

Mariposa Blanca

Let's share our stories about depression and how we battle it so we can help each other.

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