Without Friends

First grade, I remember my first best friend and exactly how we met. I was such a quiet child and at that time I didn’t know much English so she was always there to help. I loved her so much. In second grade, our group got bigger. It was P, J, B, K, and me. What I remember the most is deciding on what to wear a day before so we could match outfits. The good days.

I left second grade to go to third grade to another school. When I returned my old friends and I weren’t friends anymore and my first BF was different. She wanted to act more grown up, have boobs, and wear mascara, and I wasn’t going along so I made a new friend.

As time went by in middle school I had made a new group of friends even though at the end of the day they were just company, not real friends. It was four of us and we made it until the second year of high school. We always had our ups and downs and we never fully shared our secrets completely. We had favorites in the group. I learned in HS what nobody ever told me—that everything changes.

After my sophomore year, I transferred to an independent studies program so for my junior and senior year I was homeschooled.

At first I felt locked up and it was a moment of my life where I felt depressed and being homeschooled was something new. I wasn’t around people like I was before and I was afraid of a new beginning and having no friends.

I lost a group of friends before I left my sophomore year, because I left them. At first I felt bad but at the same time we were never really friends and I’m pretty sure we all talked smack about each other behind our backs. We would never empower each other to do better like a real friend would.

So I came to a realization that it wasn’t worth crying over negativity I was included in.

I was tired of being depressed for things that had no relevance so I decided to take action and become a better me.

The process at the end made me feel confident and awakened. I changed a lot of my perspectives that weren’t allowing me to grow.

The enlightenment also allowed me to feel at peace even when I was alone. The thing was that I was afraid to be alone and I felt I had the need to have someone by my side when that whole time I needed myself only. It felt so great being at peace knowing that a friend wasn’t necessary if I didn’t have one.

Although for one reason I did feel sad here and there but not as much as before. I would’ve liked to have kept my last friend. The cute thing was we had the same name. I used to miss her so much. But she was always busy, I guess you could say, but she had time for other friends.

So if you know that someone isn’t making you a priority and they claim to be your friend, just let them go.

Some people are meant to be in your heart but not your life.

We all have different paths. And right now—with friends or no friends—I feel great.

So if anybody out there suffers from being alone or not having a friend by your side to be there for you, remember to keep your head up and look in the mirror. That is the person that needs you the most.

But if you are the lucky kind and you’re rocking with your BFF since the first time you guys met, that’s great for you. Don’t you ever let go of that person.

Thank you.