Win or Learn, Never Lose

Well, to be honest, I'm not much of a writer. I live most of my life of spontaneity and improvisation. Anyways, I wanted to share a silly, yet simple idea that I like to always keep in mind. It's as simple as understanding that there is no such thing as losing in life. Sounds ridiculous I know, let me explain.

Let's go back a few years to my time in college: Living on my own, making bad, choices, and "learning" a whole lot, all at the fun young age of 17. I was quick to get out of my hometown and my house, away from parents, high school nobodies, and most importantly, my old life. I found myself reverting back to the shy and low self-esteem kid I was when I was younger. I was younger than everybody I lived with and all those I grew to have relationships with. In all the freedom and struggles for self-worth and direction in my life, I was lucky enough to meet a very interesting guy. We shall call him Haywood for purposes of this story.

Haywood was a crazy kid, to say the least. He did all sorts of drugs, threw amazing parties, and always knew how to have a good time, even when there was absolutely nothing to do. The one thing I was always jealous of is how, no matter what was happening, he ALWAYS had the biggest smile on his face and you could see the lack of weight on his shoulders. Everyone in this world knows that those who seem to be most happy, sometimes hide the most. But within that extensive time I spent with him, I knew he would open up to me if he needed something, or had something going on. He never did.

I still worried about Haywood. I was always concerned about his overall well-being, including the drug use. Although it was high, he regulated himself well, overall, limiting the use of hard drugs to every once in a while, rather than every time he wanted to party, or feel good. It never seemed to become a significant problem, especially with our mutual friend who lived off of drugs. Haywood was good at noticing when he needed to slow down and when to lay off of certain things. He seemed to have everything figured out.

Me, well, I was nowhere near where he was, mentally or physically. I had struggled with depression for sometime—leading me to seek help and discover I had Bipolar II, or Manic-Depressive Disorder. I had it stabilized with medication I have been taking for about two years already. But I still had a very hard time fighting depression in the new atmosphere.

I was having a rough day to say the least, and it was Thursday, THE party day. I couldn't even find the courage to get out of bed and shower to get ready for the parties that were to come. As I was fighting myself to get over it, get up, and do SOMETHING, my phone began to ring. To no surprise, it was Haywood. He was on his way over for the usual warmup beers and last shot before heading out for all the parties. I told him I'm pretty sure I was going to stay in that night, due to my mental state and lack of self-confidence. I was having problems with relating to anyone in anyway. I told him, it felt like I was losing at life. He said, "I'm coming over. I know your door is unlocked I'm coming inside. I'll be there in five." He hung up the phone.

I scrambled to get up, use the bathroom, and try to beat him to me door to lock it. As I made it to the door, he had just walked in. I sat on the couch in my underwear and turned on the TV. Haywood sat down next to me with his gigantic smile and said, "WTF are you doing?! Get your dirty ass in the shower, let's go!"

"I'm not feeling it man, I'm kickin' here tonight," I said. I hadn't had a good time the last week at the parties. I felt no one was talking to me, and I was drinking too much for no good reason, by myself. I was "losing."

As I began to walk back to my room, Haywood firmly grabbed me and threw me back onto the couch. He said, "There is no such thing as losing. You win, or you learn." I couldn't find words to have any response. How was he always so positive?

After digesting that idea for a while. I told him I would go out for a little bit, but I probably wasn't going to drink much, if any at all. Haywood responded,"You do you, f*ck what everyone else says." I proceeded to get ready as quick as I could. We had our two beers, and our one shot, and we were off.

That night turned out to be one of the best nights of my life! I made a ton of new friends, I had a fun "buzz" going on all night, and it all ended with a "great night's sleep."

I have now adapted "you either win or learn," into every aspect of my life. It has helped me with my Bipolar Disorder, relationships, daily struggles at work, and even my self-esteem. Although it seems like the silliest and cheesiest little saying, it played a huge role in my life, and led to me changing my life completely. I left my apartment, returned home to family, found an amazing job—that yielded amazing benefits, both personally and professionally—and finally, I felt like my life had a significant purpose. It was one of the most difficult and challenging transitions I had ever made. All due to some cheesy saying.

When you're down in the dumps, regardless of what it is from, remember the biggest blessing to it all is that you've learned something, whether you realize it or not. Don't focus on who did what, and who's to blame. Focus on what you learned, and how you can turn it into strength for moving forward.

Thanks for listening to my story—and my ranting. If anyone can take any of this to help them, even if it's only one person who relates, I am extremely grateful. Keep on learning, folks. The answers are right in front of you, take a step back and piece them together. The change will be amazing.