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Why We Should All Try to Be a Little Softer

Under the pressure of the world and those in it, we should learn to soften instead of harden. ♡

By klaudia lynnPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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this photo is not my own. all rights reserved to the artist, who i will credit upon asking.

We are given only two options when we are presented with an emotionally difficult situation: we can either fight it or surrender to it.

The word surrender has the automatic negative connotation of weakness. We hate it, because it is assumed that weakness occupies no constructive place in our lives, but it does. It is a significant one, at that.

We are constantly encouraged to be strong and tough, and along with those traits come an overly specific set of expectations and responsibilities: seem aloof and low-key, maintain a smile on our face, and brush it off when we are asked, "are you okay". We have distanced ourselves so much from being authentically vulnerable that we behave as laughter-producing robots on a routine basis, because joy is the sole authentic emotion that is encouraged of us.

Situationally, we will find that we'll be encouraged to express feelings of remorse (like the loss of a loved one), sadness (when experiencing a breakup), or depression (when having been diagnosed a chronic illness). But, on the average day, we will suppress a million thoughts running through our heads and consciously ensure that we never look visibly upset.

When we suppress these feelings, we are only just internalizing it, bit by bit, every time we feel the same way, until eventually, a catalyst conveys these emotions to the surface in some form – we find ourselves crying at something that typically wouldn’t trouble us that much, or reacting harshly towards loved ones because their minor annoyance was the last straw before we finally boil over and snap, or worse, shut down.

There is no other feeling worse – and I respect all opinions but stand by my own – than allowing ourselves to detach from all emotion to the point where we feel nothing. We have hardened.We are tough. Just like we’re taught to be...But I never grasped what was wrong with being “soft” in the first place?

For women, it is the stigma of being perceived as dramatic or overemotional. Women are often assigned, and we also assign ourselves, the role as caregiver. For that reason, we feel like we need to take care of the feelings of others before our own. It is more painless for us to be emotionally present for others than allowing ourselves to accept the same empathy we give.

And with guys, it’s frequently the stigma of being perceived as feminine. There is a massive standard for men and boys to be humorous, intelligent, and strong (again, with that word). They are expected to act as the emotional foundation of the relationships they’re in, the families they’re in, and the social situations they’re in. There is so much pressure placed on our boys to maintain everything together for the sake of everybody else.

It is only when we allow ourselves to feel what we need and react accordingly, that we can move on. It is only when we allow the tears to fall instead of blinking them away, that we feel release from what made us cry in the first place. It is only when we let somebody in that we experience relief. It is only when we let the cracks in our emotional walls deteriorate, without building up another layer, that we are actually ready to receive all of the love that is waiting on the other side.

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About the Creator

klaudia lynn

20 year old professional shower singer

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