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Why I Live For Failure

Why Failing Is the Best Thing I Never Asked For

By Michelle SchultzPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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I have made more mistakes than I can count since I became a mother. Shit, I have made more mistakes than I can count in just my 20s. I'm the first to admit that I am not a perfect person, let alone a perfect mother. But my failures are the greatest blessings I have ever endured. It took me entirely too long to realize what my favorite high school teacher was talking about when she told me "If you fall on your face, at least you're still moving forward." Granted, when you make a mistake as a new mother, falling on your face hurts a lot worse. It feels like every failure is ten times worse than it actually is because you suddenly have this tiny human who's relying on you to not fail. But after many long crying sessions in the shower and smoking in the backyard during nap time, I learned something pretty substantial that I think I need to share; you don't have to not fail, you just have to not stop trying when you do fail.

There have been 8000 big mistakes that have haunted my mind since I've had my daughter. They have destroyed me to the very fiber of my being. I have been shaken to the core. I don't know one person alive who hasn't failed so badly that they hit rock bottom and felt the world crumble around them. My landslide started when I was about five months pregnant. My dad, my rock, was in the hospital. The woman I had looked to as a mother figure for years was in hospice. My best friend and the father of the alien that had taken over my body had taken a turn into another dimension and it was suddenly very clear that I was going to be doing it alone. With everyone I normally turned to either hospitalized or incapacitated, my problems felt unimportant. I moved in with the only best friend I had left and tried to pretend I wasn't falling apart. I struggled to pay for everything and eventually I couldn't. I hit the absolute bottom when my daughter was about 4-months-old. I lost the apartment I was living in. I didn't have any more friends. I wound up back at my dad's house. It took me almost a year to realize that this failure was just the beginning. The craziness continued. My life continued to spiral. I felt so horrible. But I worked two jobs to pull myself back onto my feet. I managed to keep myself from crying in front of my daughter. I started writing again, something I hadn't done in entirely too long. I finally managed to enroll my daughter in daycare and could actually afford to pay for it.

My landslide, my life crumbling, it nearly killed me. No really. But it also taught me that I could pick myself up. It taught me to work through the tears and pick myself up because no one is going to do it for me. Every failure has taught me something of the same thing. It may be around the same lesson but sometimes we need to be taught the same lesson a few times before it really sticks. I never want to go through the failures I've been through ever again. However, I will never not be grateful that I did go through them. Every time I fell on my face, it took me a while to realize I was still moving forward, but thank God I was. I am so proud of myself for falling on my face and getting back up to keep running forward.

Our failures are what build us. We don't become strong from winning. We become strong from losing and not giving up. Working towards a hard goal is what makes you strong, not lucking out on things that come easily. No one ever got strong from taking a hand out. The things we fail at, the things that we push towards that push us right back, those are things that teach us what it really means to move forward. Life happens. Life is hard. Through all walks of life, through every age, and job, and relationship... it's not easy. The best things take a lot of perseverance and a shit load of falling on your face.

So next time the world is caving in around you, remember that it's temporary. Remind yourself that this is the hard part; that the hard part does not and will not last forever. We all fail. The world crashes around us all at one point. Cry your eyes out. Scream. Punch something. Then pick yourself back up off the floor and keep fucking going. It's the only thing you can do. There is no other option. Keep fucking going.

self help
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About the Creator

Michelle Schultz

I'm mostly an editorial writer. I love to share my opinions and experiences. I don't hold back and I swear so if you take offense easily, my articles probably aren't for you. I'm a single mom just trying to stay sane.

@loreleismom

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