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Where Is My Angel?

My Life Story

We can all use some real in our life.

By just reading the title, you might already have an idea about what I’m about to tell you. Common sense tells you, “It's just another love, heartbreaking story,” or most commonly used by me “Another poor, pathetic bastard who gets too sentimental about something not worth his time.” Yes, something I would say. But before we get into my story, I want to tell you a little about me. ‘Why?’ you might ask. Hell, the last conversation I had with a stranger was about another Kylie Jenner pregnancy situation, well something like that. I usually tune out after I hear something that’s not interesting to me. But the real reason is so you can walk in my shoes while reading my story. Get a feel of what you’re about to read. Also maybe because conversations like this don't come around like they used too. I blame technology. Well my story is unique, truthful, and very special to me. It’s your choice if you want to get high with some truth. But I'm not responsible for your sentimental behavior.

Two years ago, middle of summer, I had just been dumped by who I thought was the love of my life. We were together for about a year and six months, the longest relationship I've been in. And it wasn’t one of those childish on and off relationships. Legit, I honestly thought she was my world, the other half of me, the yin to my yang, you get what I'm saying. I was wrong. After we had broken up, a week later I lost my job, I started going to the bar more frequently and with my depression I was dealing with, let's just say my roller coaster ride led me to a dark hole for awhile. I was at my lowest at this point. I felt alone, sad, angry, confused and that I had no purpose to be around anymore. I finally decided to drink myself to death. If I wasn’t at the bar, I was at home with a 12 pack, and music blasting to hip hop or to whatever soothed my mood. With every cling I hear, accidentally banging two empty bottles together while putting them back into their box, I question myself if what I'm doing means I'm giving up or I finally know what I want? And I needed an answer fast. But I didn't look for help, I didn't listen to my family when they said I'm becoming an alcoholic or that I'm dealing with my situation the wrong way. I knew exactly what I was doing, I knew I was wasting my time sobbing for my ex, and that everything around me was tumbling because of my ignorance, lack of responsibility, and that I was causing more pain to everybody who I know love me, care about me, and respect me. I knew what I signed up for! I knew the pain I was going to cause! I knew if I survived alcohol poisoning, I was going to suffer more than what I have been suffering.

Anyways, six months pass by. I missed family meetings, gatherings, and Thanksgiving. If I didn't have a drink for a while, I’d start shaking. And sweating in my sleep. Everyday I felt like I was getting worse and I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere fast. Then I finally went out one day, I got invited to a birthday party by a friend at work..I ended up going because I needed to go out and do something other than drink alone. I ended up getting drunk, I was dropped off at my mom's place since it was a block away. Then I remembered I drove to my mom's place. Found my keys and took off. I felt good to drive but something told me not to go and to stay until tomorrow morning. I didn't listen. Ten minutes later, I was pulled over by the Placentia Police Department. I was then booked, fingerprinted, and was told about my rights twice. Later, I was transferred to Santa Ana, went through the process again and had a bad beating by the police, but that’s another story. If you haven't been locked up before, you won't understand how exciting it is knowing your court time will be an hour. But anyways, that hour that I was waiting for, I was just thinking about how excited I am to get out and see my family again and hold my nephew so tight. I was so happy, but then the ass***** inside me had enough.

I finally got mad at myself, disappointed, embarrassed and on a mission. I remember telling myself how stupid I looked in that orange jumpsuit. A pathetic son of a bitch I was. But I knew my mom wasn't a bitch, because not once has she been locked up for something stupid like me. Then and there, I finally knew what I'm supposed to do, what I need to do and it felt right to do. I was face-to-face with the judge. He reads my entire record out loud and then asks me if I plead guilty for the warrant I had for my arrest, lack of payments and a DUI? “Guilty your honor,” I said without hesitation. But before I plead guilty, he gave me the options; to be released now and do monthly payments of $10k and or pay it off by serving time in jail. It took me eight seconds to reply, “I’ll serve my time your honor.” He looked at me with confusion. I wanted tell him that the only reason I'm staying is because I needed the time to think, to get back up on my feet and I honestly don't have the money or job to pay off the $10k. No excuses.

My mission was to be who I was back then. Determined, fearless, strong, honest, truthful, peaceful and a warrior. I was lost for a long time and the day came to change. Half a month later, I was finally released. It was I 11:30 PM. First thing I did was get a bacon burger from Jack In The Box. Delicious. After that I went to my mom's place. I missed my mom so much, seeing her cry for me made me make a promise to myself to never go back there again. And damn I meant it.

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Now let’s talk about who I am really and a little bit about my angel...

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