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When the World Keeps Spinning and You're Still Standing Still

My life will never be the same after this past year and I couldn't be happier with it.

By Christina EarlyPublished 6 years ago 8 min read
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I've been on this planet for 22 years now and honestly, I can say there are very few people out there that were able to help me without me having to mess something up first. My mom and dad were the picture perfect couple in the most picture perfect relationship for as long as I can remember, that is until I graduated high school. My dad left shortly after I graduated. He had confessed to me that he had been seeing another woman for quite some time. (Mind you as if this wasn't enough of a shock to you, it would soon be even more of a shock that she is only a few years older than me). As you can imagine this was a hard thing to process.

Adding to this cake of forever-ness, would be the fact that he asked me to stay and move in with him and his new family. I pondered it for a while, however, at the end of the day the only thing I could bring myself to admit was that I worked my butt off day in and day out to be able to go to college. To be the first in the family to do so and I was going to go to college and take everything it was willing to give me.

I ended up attending Ferrum College for two years. I thought my whole life I had wanted to be a nurse, or some form thereof. So I majored in Human Services and was earning my way to that college degree everyone had told me would turn my life around. Looking back now, I can see no matter where you go, in my case, a really expensive private school, or a simple community college, the end goal is the same: to walk across a stage and receive a piece of paper that would set you up for unbelievable success for the rest of your life.

Halfway through this college experience (by passing all the failed love attempts, the crazy fun pledging and becoming of a sister in a sorority I would soon be calling family and all those sleepless nights staying up learning and preparing for the next exam or essay to be turned in) I came home. I came home to my mother. Someone that needed me then, more than she ever had.

My mother and I hadn't really had a good relationship ever. She had put me up for adoption when I was little thinking it would give me a better chance at success. This having failed multiple times and landing me in the arms of someone that would soon beat me within a pulp of my life on multiple occasions, had earned my mom a spot on my sh*t list. After my dad left for another family and I had left for college, my mom had owned up to her mistakes of her past life and became the person she needed to be to support my younger but not too much younger brother and I. So, I decided I was going to come home to them and I was going to take a semester off of school and I was going out help her out and I was going to get a job and help myself out. College isn't cheap, especially when you are spoiled and decide you want to go to some private school just to prove you can.

I came home and immediately landed the job of my dreams (no degree required). I worked at a rehabilitation for persons with traumatic brain injuries. Every day was a new day. Not one single thing you did or one single decision you were going to make would be the same as the day before it. Sure, you had cognitive groups and skills that often repeated themselves, but the utilization and carry out of those would change, based on your knowledge of outcomes you had received the day before.

Mind you, there were days that you spent interreacting with the participants in the fun manners, i.e. games, movies, adventures outdoors, but there were also the days you spent tracking one's moves, their decision making process and their actions like a hawk, and those were the days you lived for! The thrill you got from knowing one simple, on your feet fast paced movement and decision were all that stood between you and total destruction were what kept you going.

I know that sounds weird. "I like to professionally fight old people on a daily basis that cannot help themselves." However, the fighting was the shortest part of it. The longest part was the intervention and the "talking down" phase. The chance you had to make a real difference. We use this set of skills to try to talk someone out of having what we called "behaviors." Just like in high school when your teachers would tell you to use your words not your fists. This was your one opportunity to look this elderly or young, confused or angry participant in the eyes and speak to their heart, knowing something you are about to say may change their lives for good.

The brain is a very unique organ and with its uniqueness comes its simplicity. All humans want is to love and be loved. With your words and your actions you can show a person that their life is worth living, that their actions are worth their consequences, that they too can be so much more than they ever knew they could be. It was moments like that, that kept me there for almost two years.

I say almost because like any other aspect of your life all good things will come to and end when you lose sight of what your working for. Somewhere in the mix I decided to mix business with pleasure and because of that I lost the job of my dreams. I created such a mess I made one of my most charitable mentors shun me and once I lost that respect, I couldn't and didn't want to stay.

Not sure how you feel about religion and although I'm not too sure myself, if there is a god or a guardian angel, they were definitely looking out for me after that. Not even a day later my phone rang randomly and I wouldn't answer. I don't answer unknown calls. For whatever reason, this person continued to call and I finally answered, and I'm very glad I did.

In the midst of changing jobs and moving in with some roommates and starting this all too real new life of fine, I decided I was no longer going to pay an unnecessary amount on a vehicle and later I decided to turn that car in. Everyone told me that would be an awful decision and it would ruin me. However, other than sharing a car with my roommate who was so gracious enough to allow me to do so, the whole no car thing didn't change any aspect of my life.

Moving forward, I ended up taking a position working for an online company that makes graphics to put on the back of jerseys. It wasn't too far from home and with time I was able to land Site Manager. With a little more time I was able to bring my roommate on board, which not only allowed her to land a second job, at a reasonable and better pay rate than her other job, it made sharing the car that much easier.

I've been there for almost three months now, and I can honestly say it's been worth it. I thought I was just going to take this job until I was able to get into something bigger and better, but being able to pay my bills, minus having a car and not having a bunch of money to blow on unnecessary items I convince myself I have to have when I really don't need, is much more satisfying. The job is only part time so I work three days a week and NO weekends! What an amazing plus. I had very few weekends off and now that I have them all off, I'm finding new and better things to do with each one.

I spend time with my roommates and I manage to spend time with my family that I wouldn't do before because all I wanted to do was work. I'm able to be the twenty two year old me and the best the me. I read more, I write more, I laugh, sleep and eat more! This whole experience has been great for me. It sure isn't where I wanted to be or what I thought I would be doing at this age, but it is leading me to the best me I could ever be, and that's good enough.

I have met many wonderful and helpful people in my life, but honestly without my own mistakes and doing everything most people tell me not to do, I wouldn't have been able to learn some of the lessons I've learned and the most important one is that all we have is time. Despite what anyone believes, I don't think there is anyone out there that can tell me when I'm going to cross over into whatever comes after this life, therefore I'm going to do with it whatever I want. You cannot plan to be somewhere in five years and plan every little step to getting there. It just isn't possible. What's possible is knowing where you want to know, seeing how and what might take you there and enjoying the journey it took you to finally get there.

happiness
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