Motivation logo

What To Do When You Feel Like A Burden

Mental Health, Wellness, and Success

By Jackie BarrowsPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
1

"You are such a burden on this family!"

"I'm not going to help you! You need to start supporting your own damned self!"

"When does it end? When will you finally get your life together and grow up?"

Ever hear that in your life, perhaps from family members or some friends? Harsh words like these often feel like bullets to the brain and heart.

These are the sort of words that, as an adult who has struggled with keeping jobs in the past, and has had a hard time saving money lately, due to one thing or another breaking down (these days, it's my car that has utterly bit the dust), truly sting in ways people don't seem to understand.

It is not like I don't want to move out and get a life of my own, or that I wish for nothing more than to mooch off of my family the rest of my life. I don't want any of that. When I hear these words, I want to move as far away from everyone as I can, and become as self-sustaining as possible. All so no one can ever say again that I am a burden to them for any reason.

Because of statements made on my character like this, I have a difficult time asking anyone for help even when I need it most. Especially if the help I need is in any way financial. It could be replacing a pair of worn out tennis shoes, or filling up my tank when it's on empty. I still cannot bring myself to ask for help. It's a real shame, too. Everyone needs help from time to time, and it shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing to ask. Requesting help shouldn't be viewed as mooching, which is often how it is viewed

Have you felt this way as well—as though you are trapped and cannot ask for help of any kind, all while things only get worse and you are treated as more and more of a burden? It sucks; I know it all too well.

How does one get over this hurdle of being viewed by everyone as a burden, in spite of life throwing curveball after curveball (to the point where you're inundated!), and feel like you'll never be able to dig yourself out?

1. Stop viewing your own self as a burden.

It honestly begins with you and you alone. It begins with me and me alone, in terms of letting how people view me affect me as much as it does. The same goes for you and everyone else. I could spend an evening feeling down about how others view me as a burden, and allow such a word to trigger those feelings of deep sadness about my circumstances, or I could fight for my life to get out of my situation.

The truth is that people will always have their own opinions of you and everyone else, and those opinions will likely always be the result of their narrow minded perspective. They don't see everything that you go through, and they won't. They have their own lives and concerns, and you have yours. Focus your mind on what you need to do, rather than how others think of you. Ignore the haters and nay-sayers. It may be cliche to say all that, but it worked for so many others who found real success in their lives, so give it a try!

You're a warrior, no matter how you are feeling at the moment. Get up and fight! Do it to prove to your own self that 1) you are not nor have you ever been a burden, and 2) you are and always have been capable of so much more than you expected. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

2. Form a plan, and get to work. 

Put your money where your mouth is, and do whatever you need to do to survive and, eventually, thrive. You may need to work long hours on a couple of jobs to do it, and you may be exhausted after having done so, but if it's what you have to do to survive, then do it.

If your burden is financial like mine is, you will need to earn money as well as develop a solid budget and savings plan. Doing this will give you the freedom needed to get your own place, your own car, and finally be out of everyone's hair. It means you will have your own life to live!

Now, I know this is all easier said than done, as this world makes it awfully expensive to live on one's own terms. You are required to have things like a good credit score (it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, either, but nonetheless it is required), a bank account, a drivers license, a car, first and last month's rent or a house payment, a steady job that you keep and move up the ladder of success in, clothes, and basic necessities. It all costs a lot of money to obtain, maintain, and replace when needed. It is absolutely overwhelming. However, millions of people have still found ways to do this everyday. They may not always have the latest stuff, but they find a way to get what they need, and, sometimes, a little of what they want. The point is, it is possible. Rest in that, and allow it to inspire you rather than overwhelm you.

3. Find people who will help you through your time of need while you work.

We human beings are relational in different capacities. Even the loneliest people require others to help them through tough times as well as to celebrate achievements. Try seeking out friends and/or family members who don't automatically see you as a burden and reach out to them. Start a conversation over coffee or over the phone and reconnect.

Not everyone actually views you as a burden, or at least not a huge burden they don't wish to bear, if that makes sense. There are people out there who are kind and willing to lend a hand if you'll be humble enough to let them. You don't have to do this 100 percent alone.

Given that you're at work towards your goal of no longer being a burden, people will come into your life to cheer you on, and give you words of encouragement when needed. Sometimes, that's all they are able to give, but it's something, isn't it? This is especially true when you find yourself in one of those dark times and moods that make it difficult to see the silver lining. Achieving the ultimate goal of becoming your own self-sustaining person, with your own life to live, is never easy, and there will be moments where you literally feel like what you are attempting to do is either insurmountable, completely crazy, or you simply can go no further. By reaching out to friends and family who are willing to be on your side and offer advice as well as words of encouragement, those dark times will lighten up a bit.

In short, being made to feel like a burden is hard to hear; however, there are steps you can take to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again with new goals in mind. While you, yourself are never truly a burden, it is good to still set goals that give you a sense of independence and something to work toward, rather than feel stuck and hopeless.

advice
1

About the Creator

Jackie Barrows

Jackie Barrows is an artist, a writer, and all around creative soul who enjoys bringing new ideas and stories to life. She wears many hats as a Graphic Designer, a blogger, and Lead Production Artist for R.A.W. Productions.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.