What Teddy Said

I love former President Theodore Roosevelt, AKA Teddy Roosevelt, AKA TR. My all-time favorite quote is also one from TR: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” It is so integral to my life, past and present, it deserves a separate post of reflection. For now, anyway, I wanted to dig into another Roosevelt quote, one which more recently, impacted my life and identity:

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

This week, I am reflecting upon what Teddy said. By the way, hello! Thanks for reading :)

September 22nd, 2018, I turned 30 years old. A few weeks leading up to the big day, I was down in the dumps. I didn’t have any solid plans. I didn’t have any friends who were taking me out to celebrate. I knew my family would not orchestrate some grand surprise party. It was just me. Most of the time, I am fine with being alone, but if anyone is open (and secretly) looking forward to the adventures, accolades, and surprises, it is usually on their birthday.

This was a milestone birthday for me. Surely, I earned the right to celebrate. The problem was I didn’t have the urge to celebrate. My energy was chaotic, my thoughts were all over, and my soul’s equilibrium was entirely off. What the hell did turning 30 mean? I always thought it was a crossroads of some sort. The official decade of being “Grown & Sexy.” The decade where all the hard work in your 20s was finally paying off and the ducks were all aligned in a perfect row. I always viewed 30 as the year where you finally have your stuff together.

In my life, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

And so, I succumbed to “the scroll.”

I spent idle time leading up to the big day scrolling on social media. Envying the women who spent their big 30th birthday on an island somewhere with friends, or those who were buying a new home, a new car, falling in love, making so much money working from home, etc.

I was happy for them but sad for me… this is still envy, no? Whatever emotion I was feeling, I wasn’t in the right state of mind. By comparing my life to the lives of others, I only ended up criticizing my life. I found myself wrapped up in a tornado of self-pity, regret, depression, and emptiness.

I’m a writer, not a meteorologist, but I bet my pen such is a tornado no one wants to find themselves swept up in to.

As the weekend of my milestone birthday finally arrived, I decided to stay housed up in a downtown Philadelphia hotel all weekend unplugging. Although I promised myself, I would not pick up my phone for the weekend, there I was, checked into my hotel room, bare ass in all my glory, sipping Moët from the bottle, and… wait for it… scrolling on Instagram.

Here is where my dear old friend Teddy intervened…

Scrolling aimlessly, my eyes were immediately drawn then fixated on this one post featuring a quote.

I repeated the quote aloud. These were the words of Teddy Roosevelt, to me, this meant the Bible, “comparison is the thief of joy.”

Aha moment: Maybe it was the Moët slivering through my body but in that moment, I just stopped caring. The clock welcomed midnight, Happy Birthday to me! I threw down my phone, gulped down the rest of the champagne, and starting jumping on the bed while “Dirty Diana” blared through my Bluetooth speakers.

The timing of seeing the post was spot on. My spirit needed reassurance and the negative Nancy dancing about my brain needed death. Roosevelt’s words found me. It was a message from the universe forcing me to change my lenses and perspective on life.

Thus far, comparing myself to others did absolutely nothing positive for my spirit, my soul, and my dreams. Sadly, it is very easy for social media to lure us into this type of comparative and competitive behavior.

I spent my birthday weekend reflecting on my life, my contributions to the world, my mistakes, but also my successes. Turns out, solitude was my best friend. Something changed in me that weekend.

Presently: Funny, I was scared then of turning 30, but now I feel quite empowered. I am done with comparing myself to others. One day, I’ll get a stamp on my passport. Maybe one day, I’ll close on a new home. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be a best-selling author coming to a bookshelf near you.

For now, I am content with who I am and where I am in life.

You see, life doesn’t come with a how-to manual. Life does not dictate to us the order of things rather society does this and we allow it. It is a tragic yet common cycle. Time to break it!

I realized it doesn’t matter the order in which you accomplish things, as long as you accomplish all you want to do. I always say, time is the one thing we haven’t learned how to get back yet so don’t waste it. When our time here on Earth comes to an end, it doesn’t matter how many years we had in this life, rather what is important is how much life we put into our years.

There will always be someone who is smarter than you, prettier than you, richer than you (and even that is subjective), but there will never ever be anyone just like you.

Let that soak in... there will never be anyone just like you.

And so, my Teddy Roosevelt spoke to me that day from beyond letting me know I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life. Since then, I’ve stopped robbing myself of Joy. I rearranged some things in my life, including relationships and bad habits in order to be more productive and healthier mentally. I still succumb to “the scroll” but now I scroll for inspiration and entertainment instead of comparison. Instead of seeing something online and thinking, “I am happy for her/him, woe is me,” I now think “I am happy for her, I am happy for me.” No more robbing myself of joy! To hell with comparisons.

Whenever you find yourself feeling insecure, repeat this positive affirmation (it works for me!):

“I am exactly where and who I am supposed to be me. I am enough for me.”

—Erryn "Writer_Dye" Howard