What's the Cost of Love

There's love that cultivates itself in ways that are according to your manifestation. The life surrounding it, however, has been interrupted by the phases of the Earth. The phases of which societal views on what love should be categorized is also a gateway to influencing us of the magnitude of how we should love ourselves.

As much as we influence SELF-LOVE, how much do we happen to stick by it? As much as we want to love ourselves, what causes most of the disruptive mishaps that blocks our view of how far we go to initially love ourselves as we would give love to our significant others or our marital partners?

The question remains flexible. The cause of what is meant to apply itself on deaf ears... to ourselves: the lack of self-acceptance. There's ghosting aspects of ourselves that we may hear knocking down mental room in our subconscious that pokes us in our dreams, dreams that often become nightmares, those nightmares being our resistance and neglectfulness to our waking selves.

We impede our love towards ourselves when we release our ego and pride, making it something we surrender to and follow the world for because we feel more of the need to serve our souls as healers, yet we question: "who will heal me." The answers briefly commends you to swiftly take a look at those who you've graciously served unconditionally with the intent of asking yourself, and further along asking them, what COULD they have done for you?

My love is sacred. After a long time of surrendering my ego and feeling as though it was my job to control the lives of others, or to assist with them feeling as though I was given the right to graciously help them find the power to set barriers of control throughout a certain aspect of their life, I happened to lose the most important aspect of my life, of MYSELF. That of which happened to be the gratification of loving my wrongdoings, loving my imperfections, and loving the flaws I grew to merely hate overtime.

I presented myself with the idea of loving myself didn't happen to be so bad. Literally, all of me. All the traumas of failed interpersonal relationships, failures that I so soddenly allowed to be suppressed in my subconscious mind but broadly wore externally like I had my wardrobe. As vulnerable as I had intended myself to be-was nearly none of what my emotions were actually worth and to that, I say cheers. Cheers to that fact that I was able to seek the appropriate healing of what I'd needed to seek. Based on my honesty with my inner-self. The load was nearly as heavy as the world I mentally created and carried upon my shoulders.

Through all the hell that I'd happened to go through I understood where most of my pain and fear laid. Attachments formed, death grew and scared me during the remaining of my teenage years. Love, or what I felt were lack thereof, being prominent. The existence of my total human body was only but the remaining of a shell, so to speak. I was breathing but I was also more than motiveless, the passion was dulled from what I once knew to be my truth as a vibrant, colorful, introspective creator. I once had a deep love for myself and my passions, yet, being in this bubble and trapping myself in this box I'd created as a defense mechanism, to ware and ward off what had once haunted me, I realized I was doing nothing more but creating myself a deeper hole to what felt like the pits of hell.

I nearly lost my aspirations a couple of hundred times. I couldn't see what direction I was heading towards and because of that I figured I lost my sense of control.

As I loosen up (because I'm still at a state of progress), I realize that life has its own way of birthing new life onto you. Birthing new ways of living, birthing ideas and birthing the opportunities that you need most onto you... more importantly within you.

I bring life to all my creations, I am a creative force and I embrace my presence now.

Embrace that your mess. Embrace your shit. Embrace what you can do to contribute to life and honor your failure but do not seize to wear those wrongdoings provocatively. I'm sure insecurity arises in even the most securest people you may happen to know, or are even influenced by. Be at peace with the love that is universally granted to you even by the little blessings you happen to deem as inconveniences. It's prominent to know you received what you'd need at the right place and time.

Self-care calls upon you and is bestowed in your heart.

I must insist, to you all that may suffer with self-identification, know that the intentions you've prayed upon or even genuinely set within yourself are being built. Your worst fears are nowhere near the avalanche of succession you'll face once healed.

Thank you for reading!

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