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We Are Good Enough

You're not the only one who feels like they aren't.

By Stephanie PetersPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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For some odd reason, I have grown into an adult that applies way too much pressure to my life. I put too much pressure on myself to have a direction, to have a career, to be successful and self-sustaining, etc. I have never felt like I was good enough for this world. I suppose I feel this way because I’ve always wanted to be the best for my father. Let’s not confuse the fact that he is an amazing man, a wonderful father, and one of the people in my life that knows me best. However, he happens to be from an era of time where it was required of you to be successful. It was required of you to know what you were doing by the time you were 25, had a career that would last your entire life, and be able to support yourself.

He was the last of the baby boomer generation, which is rightly so that I seem to be part of the final generation that still operates in this way. Even then, some of my peers don’t operate with this burden of self-pressure because their parents were probably more forward thinking. Not to say my dad wasn’t, but I will admit, he did instill the ideology of “go to school and land a successful career or marry a rich man that can take care of you.”

The comforting thing about my really unhealthy behavior is that I know I’m not alone. There is a wild number of people that exist currently with mental health issues. I believe I can classify my self-induced depression and anxiety as a mental health issue. SO. For those of you who also feel you aren’t good enough for the world, you aren’t alone.

On top of not feeling good enough for the world, I’m sure a handful of you, like myself, run away from problems and tough situations. Maybe it’s from a relationship, a job, or maybe even a hobby. Then you ask people for advice and they all say the same thing, “Well, just keep trying. Just stick with it and it should get better.” But for you and me, my fight or flight friends, maybe we end up saying: “Nah, f*ck this. This isn’t what I want, I know what makes me happy and I’m going to go do it.”

And that, my dear friends, is how you drop out of college.

It wasn’t until about two years later I discovered why college is so extremely important and now I despise myself for dropping out, but that is besides the point. We have now run away from a problem, life is no longer hard, and we get to start again. This behavior starts to turn into a routine, where we continue to run away from our issues, and it becomes VERY unhealthy. You may not realize it, I know I didn’t for a majority of my decisions, but eventually it comes to get you.

It came and bit me in the ass in my current relationship with my boyfriend. The relationship itself is still relatively new, even though I’ve known him for quite some time. I’m living with him in his apartment in the United Kingdom, living a life completely unbeknownst to me. I grew up in Southern California, where the beach was a short drive away, the sun was always shining, and I had pretty much anything I ever wanted and needed. We weren’t lavishly wealthy. On the contrary, we lived in a single-story house in a quiet suburb. There were definitely neighbors that had a larger amount of wealth, but my upbringing was rather comfortable.

This all means I grew up loving material things. I grew up loving quality things, big brand names, organic vegetables, and big beautiful kitchens. No matter how humble, open-minded, and independent I thought I was, I loved capitalism. I now currently live a life very different from that. My life in Wales is budgeted, simple, and very slow.

“Well, why not come back to the States?” you might ask.

“Because I’m involved with the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Don’t you think that’s unhealthy? You shouldn’t stay in a spot you’re unhappy just because of a man.”

I used to give that piece of advice to girls that wanted advice from me when they would be fighting with their partner. I realize now that it is the least empathetic thing to say to someone. Maybe on occasion, if you assess the situation, it could be needed. However, I used to just give this advice to people generally. My advice for people was "just give up."

I don’t want to give up on my boyfriend because I love him. My unhappiness in my situation does not reflect on his ability to love me and be a complete gentleman in our relationship. He is enough for me and I love him unconditionally. My discomfort stems from the unfamiliarity of my surroundings, which could make anyone uncomfortable. It then falls on me to breathe into my situation, be positive, and patient in order to make it comfortable. That’s the hard work that comes with relationships. That’s the hard work I never used to put into uncomfortable situations, instead I just ran.

Running eventually makes you feel like you’re not good enough for anything. You start feeling like everything is too hard to accomplish. You subconsciously make yourself the victim, whether there was a factor that made you believe you couldn’t succeed, or you just blatantly did not want to try. I’m not harping on you if you’re this way. I’m merely trying to open the door for you to be honest with yourself. I had to do it and it was quite painful, but in doing so, it has brought me a sense of calm. Not only has my situation become more comfortable just by altering my mindset, but it has changed how I treat myself internally.

I am good enough for this world. With a little patience and some communication, I know I am good.

And so are you. I’m sure there are plenty of you in a situation where you need to get out. I truly hope you do, and you have my support. You do what is best for you. For those of you who are in a situation where it seems like you can’t change anything about it, I implore you to change your perspective. Being unhappy doesn’t mean you can’t be content. Unhappiness is a natural thing in this life. Allow yourself to feel those things while also reminding yourself that you are safe, you have ramen noodle packs in the cupboard, and you are going to get through this.

Things will get better, they have to. You are good enough for this world and you will be better and stronger coming out of it.

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