Unf*ck Yourself

There will be many turning points in your life; it happens to all of us. We are faced with a decision that will change the rest of our lives. For me, it was getting divorced. It wasn’t my decision in the beginning, but going through it has allowed me to see that I was living a life in which I was ashamed. I had been driven by expectations that I had set for myself, and some others had set for me. I felt captive in my own life and I was not going to be that anymore. I took the opportunity that presented itself to design the life that I wanted to lead. I can tell you that it looks very different from the life that I had, and it has been very liberating. I have un-f*cked my life, and I want to encourage others to do the same.

Truly think about what makes you happy. Are you passionate about something? Is there something that you have wanted to try and never did? Are you on auto-pilot, and not really living at all? When I look back at my life, I admit that it was comfortable in certain aspects, but it was emotionally unhealthy for me. I was self-sabotaging my marriage, I was depressed for most of my life, and I needed more to be fulfilled. I was letting life happen to me instead of deciding what I wanted to do with my life. I was tired of it, and I was bound and determined to change.

I spent most of my life looking outward to fill the holes that were in me, and I realized that you can’t do it that way. We as humans are told to find our soulmate or “the person that will complete me” or Mr./Mrs. Right. And I think this is a bunch of garbage. Un-f*ck yourself from the idea that you are not whole as you exist; remove the thought that you are not enough all on your own. Love yourself before you love anything or anyone else, and you will be creating your own happiness. If you look long and hard in the mirror, do you like what you see? Do you like what you see? If you answered no to either one of those questions, think about what you would change. Is it possible? Then make it happen.

Traditionally, family is the first place that we learn acceptance in our lives. Your family may push you toward something, and have good intentions for you, but if that is not where your happiness lies, then please don’t do it. Never sacrifice your happiness for anyone other than your children when it comes to major decisions in your life. Don’t have any kids? Then sacrifice it for no one on the planet. I, as a divorced, single mother am happier now than I was when I was married. I have lost things that I thought I needed in order to survive, and it really put the world into perspective. It has been exceptionally hard financially, emotionally, and physically, but you never gain your freedom without sacrifices right?

Society has been a huge influence as well. With the internet and the connectivity of the times, we all feel the pressure to perform, and be just like the other guy/gal we see online. Thing is, this digital footprint can be very calculated without you even realizing it. The person they appear to be online may be vastly different than who they are in person. Think of it as swiping on Tinder, the pictures may be nice to look at, but where is the substance? It is exceptionally hard to know someone simply from their online information. I know several people who have different social sites, and a different set of friends/family/followers on each. Societal influences have come and gone, and they always will, so un-f*ck yourself from the idea that you have to be this one static thing you have been all your life.

You are given this life, and the choice is yours in how to live it. It will not be easy if you have to go against your family or society’s expectations. You will hurt the people that are closest to you, and you will run the risk of losing their support, but if it is toxic for you, it may be the best way for you to live. I have set boundaries in my life. I learned that “No.” is a complete sentence. I learned that I don’t always have to be the one that gives. There will be people on the planet who love you for exactly who you are, and I hope that you find them. I can tell you that once you have acceptance, your life becomes exponentially better in all aspects.

You are the most important person in your life. You are in control, and you get to decide. Make a stand for yourself, and fight for what you believe in, and create a life that you love. It doesn’t matter if that is a van down by the river, a tiny house in the woods, or an apartment in a big city. You are given the opportunity to decide that you want or need to change, and it’s your responsibility to act on it. No one else will do it for you. If there were no limitations, what life would you choose?