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Twists and Turns

Life is a rollercoaster...

Life is a whirlwind. It’s full of twists and turns. You have this idea how you want things to turn out, and you set all these dreams and goals for yourself, and it drives you crazy as you constantly think about them and you have all these questions—how to get there, how bad do you want it? What lengths will you go to make that dream to a reality? How little you’ve done to achieve those goals… You have all these ideas, but you have so freaking many and you have no idea where to start, and you know it’s impossible to achieve them all, so you make some sacrifices, for yourself.

And you tell yourself that you can just pick one idea and stick to it, but then you have this innate need to achieve this huge goal, because you can’t live in a world without ever trying to achieve both, and you imagine spending all your time just focusing on these two things you want to make a reality. But then another creeps up, and another, and another… and you tell yourself you could achieve all these things if you actually just sit there and did them, instead of wasting time… and you tell yourself repeatedly you can change and do better… And this goes on and on, and you find yourself stuck in a vicious cycle that never ends. Because deep down you know you’re trying to achieve too much, and in reality, you don’t really believe you can actually achieve any of these goals, so you just do nothing…

But you just can’t help but let your fingers continue to type, filling the page with words, and everything you’re feeling just comes unraveling out, and you’re reminded that you are actually a good writer… if you actually finish something for once.

And you realise something… Finishing things can be a great struggle. And starting. Finding the motivation to actually start something can be a challenge in itself.

I never thought I’d be here at 25. I have my whole life ahead of me, and there’s so much I can still achieve. But yet, all I can think about is I’m 25…25 is a long time to be alive, and all that runs through my mind is all the things I still have yet to achieve. I just can’t seem to convince myself I’ve achieved anything great or important in my life, none of the big things everyone goes through when they’re growing up and evolving. Some not my fault, that’s just nature. But there’s are a lot of things that have definitely been in my control, and I let some of those opportunities not quite reach my grasp.

No matter what you tell yourself, you know you’ve not achieved anything of your important life plans and that you could have done more. And the vicious cycle starts all over again.

You really don’t give yourself enough credit. That’s the problem with being a perfectionist. You always strive for something you can never achieve. You’re always going to be disappointed. It’s hard to change your ways when you’ve been doing it for as long as you remember. It’s practically in your blood. Throw in the imagination and creativity with hundreds of ideas, and you just feel suffocated. Claustrophobic even, like the walls are closing in, and you just can't escape. And you have this huge weight, and it feels like you have the entire world on your shoulders. It's excruciating. 

But you realise life without perfection is just fine. It’s more exciting.

And when you actually just knuckle your head down and get things done, you realise just a glimpse of what you’re actually capable of. And that’s a beautiful thing. It gives you a sense of belief and pride in yourself, a small glimmer of hope that you can do anything if you just put your mind to it.

But that’s life, it’s full of twists and turns… you never know what to expect. But that’s kind of what makes life exciting in some ways. It’s an exciting adventure. 

Life is like a rollercoaster. It has the anticipation from the incline to the extreme high, and you hover there for a bit, and then it drops, and everything comes crashing down, and you scream because it’s rocking your world and you’re filled with adrenaline. Your blood is pumping, and you’re ready for the next high, and you just keep going. There’s no stopping you until you get there. You just keep running until you reach the finish line.

It ignites a small flame inside you and you keep writing, finding more inspiration than you’ve ever had, and there’s no stopping you. 

Leila Jones-Atkinson
Leila Jones-Atkinson

Writer. Composer. Lover of films, music, making others happy, chicken, and all things nerdy and comic related, including The Flash. Complicated. 

"Keep running until you reach the finish line." - Leila Jones-Atkinson 2018. 

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