Turning External Turmoil to Internal Serenity

No matter who you are, where you come from, or where you want to go, you will likely face obstacles. One way to think of this inevitable change is to imagine that we are rocks constantly being hit with water, shaping and forming us into different shapes as time goes on.

You may be in a situation you feel you'll never get out of. Maybe you are experiencing doubts, you're worried about the future or generally stuck in a rut. As humans, all of this is natural—but to what extent? How we can we turn all of this energy into something productive?

I lost my dad a little over two years ago. I'm turning 24 next week, and never imagined losing someone so close so soon. My environment completely changed. I went from having two parents to one, and was just starting my career, all while managing finances and family. This external stress no doubt had an effect on me internally, but here's how I managed to carry on and still be successful:

1) Allow yourself to be upset. Don't ignore your emotions.

There were moments I thought about my dad and just felt like crying. I wanted to think about those memories. I'd start to get anxiety about death in general, and before I could go down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts, I'd change what I was doing and think of something that made me happy. Allowing time to reflect and be upset will prevent these emotions from coming to you at a less than stellar time.

2) Cherish what you have right now.

There is no time like the present. You will never be in the moment you are in right now again—and don't take that lightly. Losing someone really puts this into perspective. No matter what you're going through, there is no time to waste. Look around at who you have in your life, and cherish them. Put your phone away when you're with your family and friends. Savor that delicious meal, play with your dog, dance to that song you love. Embrace each small moment.

3) Rediscover passions and make them a priority.

This is one that I'm personally trying to work on. Had a hobby back in high school? Want to learn to play an instrument? It's easy to get caught up in the grind of work, school, and life—try to incorporate activities that actually make you happy. It's tough, I know. When bills need to be paid and careers require long hours, this can seem impossible. If you want to get back into something you enjoy, grab a planner, and prioritize some time each week to do it. Baby steps are still steps.

4) Take charge of YOUR life.

Stop living by someone else's standards. This is another awakening that many people realize far too late in life. I'm a firm believer of building physical, mental, and financial health. Doing things you don't care for with people who don't value you as a person is simply a waste of your time. Buying nicer things doesn't impress anyone. Dating someone that only fits your family's standards won't make you happy long-term. Drinking every day will make you sick and empty your wallet. Be realistic about your goals. Sometimes progress means making sacrifices.

5) Focus on the future.

Even though I talk about living in the present, going through a stressful life event can keep you stuck there too long. Remember, you have the power to make your life one of purpose. Write down the things in your life that mean the most to you according to "must-have," "nice to have," and "fine without." You'll be surprised at what ends up in each category. This will help you to focus your efforts on what matters, and what you personally value. We're all different, with varying timelines, skills, perceptions, and emotions. It's OK to be confused and unsure of what the future holds—focus on what you can control, and what your ideal day would look like.

6) Ask for help.

I usually have a 'lone wolf' mentality, but this is by far the worst way to think. I remember in college learning about homelessness. Do you know what the number one cause is? Not drugs, not mental illness—it was a lack of any support from family or friends. It's a very common thing, actually. However, people who had help from their network were able to survive the tragedy, the difference in their lives was a matter of living on the street, or living in a guest bedroom. Not everyone has a network to rely on, but my point here is that we all need help sometimes. Maybe you need help with your resume, with your diet, handling your anger, or even managing your daily schedule. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and invest the money or time into getting it. We all need positive support and alternative perspectives.

Another tip: Don't watch the news. It's fine to read current events and be informed of what's going on in the world, but don't rely on media outlets with agendas to dictate your day or your life. There will always be external turmoil, don't let it drag you down mentally. If you are passionate about an issue, or want to see change, get involved. Help others with things that come easy to you, if you can.

Most importantly: KEEP GOING! Each day brings us a new opportunity to challenge ourselves.

As my dad always told me, "Nothing that is worth doing in life will be easy."