I have erased and retyped this sentence more times than I can count. I am a little stuck on how exactly to start this blog. How awful is it that I am already stuck, and this is my first one yet? I guess I will start it like this. My name is Ayana and this is my blog. I am hoping to start of light ya know? Something that shows me. In every form that she comes. To start off, I would like to give you a little background on why exactly I'm attempting this again. Oh yes you saw the word again. This isn't my first go around. When I was younger I used to write. Not like those "I hate Becky for stealing my boyfriend" type of writing but the type that moved you if you read it. It's the type where you stop and ask, did you really write this or did you steal it from somewhere? No I didn't steal it from anywhere, it was me who wrote it obviously. I am not the type of lady who toots her own horn because quite frankly there isn't a horn to toot. Although I was an excellent writer, and it makes me feel weird that I ever stopped. I am not sure what happened; let's just say that I lost my creativeness? I am not even sure if that's a word but lets just go with it.
Can I tell you something? Like really get deep here for a second? I think I just simply stopped being sad. Tragic thing yes I know, because all of the good stuff comes from being sad. But it isn't something to dwell over because I'm starting fresh.. right? I was inspired recently. Like really inspired. It was kind of like that moment you watch a brand new show like Grey's Anatomy, and all of the sudden you want to become this life saving doctor who has love affairs like no other. Yeah I know, pretty life changing. It was just a little different though. It was just a couple nights before New Years and to be quite honest, I was bored with my life. I wanted something new and excited. Something that blew my hat away every chance that it got! Of course I did nothing to change this feeling, but simply push it to the back of my mind. Until I was scrolling through Twitter (the holy grail of social medias), and came across a young lady named Indy Blue. I'm sure you have heard of her. Tiny, blonde, beautiful young lady who makes these amazing videos that make you wish your life was much more eventful than it actually is. She posted her 2018 video of what she accomplished in that year and that year alone. The video was named "Dreaming with your eyes open." An amazing title in itself, yes I know.... Throughout this video, there is a man speaking, sounds as if he was back in the old days when the wars were all happening and he tried speaking life into everyone who would listen. Instead it's 2018 and everyone who is listening all have inner issue and are bored with their lives. Same audience right? This man moved my soul... when I tell you the I felt something change inside of me! It is a little weird but I hadn't felt that feeling in a very very long time. Feeling this was refreshing in every shape or form. 2018 was rounding around the corner so you already know what is going to mix with all of this new wonder that has come across my being. YES a New Years resolution!! How did you know? You probably didn't that's alright. Anyways I vowed to myself that this year was going to be different. Something in my life was going to change and I was going to go along for the ride. NO regrets. I was choosing to be happy. To live a life full of everything you put your mind to. Here is the thing. I am not going to save thousands of dollars and go to all of the marvelous trips. Wanna know why? I'll tell ya. I am learning to dream with my eyes open. I am learning to love everything that I am already surrounded by. I need to learn to find happiness with everything that is simply already given to me. Once I learn to do that, then I can make plans to do otherwise. Until then I'm here and I'm learning to be happy. I have honestly never felt this long and hard about something in a long time. I normally just say "oh yah this is my new thing" and then drop it like a week later—I'm talking about committing to the gym, happens all the time.
Long long story short this is why I'm here starting this blog. Because it is something that has always been on the back of my mind. It is time I stop ignoring that voice, and let it flow. I deserve that. This is for me. I want to bring everyone along, no matter who you are. I deserve that too. So here is the thing. I am not the best speller, or amazing at using commas and apostrophes. I suck at it to be honest with ya. This is my blog, my life. So please accept all of these tiny tiny details in my writing. I am no expert English major. There WILL be a lot of room for improvement but for right now this is what I've got for ya... I'm simply someone who is trying something newish again.