Too Old to Say Whatever, Too Young to Stay in One Place

Remember when you were 12 years old? Really think about it. 12 years old. The biggest stress day-to-day was hoping your crush with the J-Bieb haircut would pop up on your MSN and rushing home so you didn't miss your favourite rerun on Disney Channel. Remember those days? Where you didn't have to figure your life out because you had time. You knew your next step: high school and then university. Didn't know what you would study, just knew that you would. You thought that everything would fall exactly into place and by 22, you would be the successful adult fashionista you see in movies running the world.

If you've made it past the first paragraph of this and haven't cringed at the privileged life I'm describing, well then, please keep reading. This is not a story of the damage of my life; no, this is a story about the hope for the future. The desire to keep moving and the struggle of feeling stuck. A little light reading... or, as I like to call it, my almost-quarter life crisis.

I'm sitting here at 22 and really thinking about time. Since the good old Disney Channel days, this body and mind have gone through a lot. A lot of love, a lot of chances, and a lot of hurt and decisions.

So what is time and how can we be sure we're not wasting it?

It's a tough but an amazing age to be, 22. You have the world in front of you, a life waiting to be lived. The countless experiences and moments you know you will have each and every day from here on out. We hope we will get to see these days, these moments, to feel those feelings that we crave so badly; wanderlust, love, passion, and ambition. Then it sets in.

What if we don't get these days?

Not to be a downer here, but it's true. Are you really living your best life? Are you feeling to the fullest? Living to the fullest? When's the last time you laughed? Not just laughed. When is the last time you laughed so hard that everything was alright in that one moment? Are you working to live or living to work?

How do we make this all worth it? Life.

I'm not too sure I've figured this all out yet. I'm not too sure that I ever will, hence the almost-quarter life crisis. I've surrounded myself with amazing people, spend time with my family, I'm working towards a career that I could be successful in and live a good, stable life. All of these things I am thankful for. There is, however, something missing. Now, this would have been great to figure out four years ago, to take that break, that gap year, to say whatever and learn more about myself and what I truly want, but here we are. Twenty two.

I'm scared to leave it all to learn and to feel again. I'm scared thinking that I need this time to discover and live or else I'll look back and regret not doing it all. Someone please tell me how to eat, pray, love while being able to pay the bills... like, seriously. Julia Roberts, girl, let me know.

It's scary. I don't have any advice to give just yet, but I expect that the next year will bring me some insight. If you're feeling the same, feeling stuck, desiring some sort of passion and inspiration, keep following me on this modern day "come to Jesus" moment and hopefully I will have some insight for you soon.

– Kait