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To My Younger Self: This Is for You

This is everything I would tell you.

By M FPublished 5 years ago 24 min read
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This is to the girl who never felt like she fit in. The girl who never had a lot of friends. The girl who always stood out in the crowd. The girl that just wanted to be like every other girl. This is to the girl who never felt like she belonged. The girl who never really accepted herself. The girl who didn’t know who she was. This is to the girl who always had a million questions. The girl who was living as someone else's idea of who she should be for most of her life. This is to the girl who didn’t know how to love herself. This is to the girl who was lost and is now found. These words are for you.

This is to you.

No matter who you are and what you believe, it will change. You aren’t your parents. But, understand that they love you so much. And they just want to protect you and want what’s best for you, respect that. Don’t hate them or resent them for how they raised you. But, just because your parents tell you something is right or wrong doesn’t mean that it is. Just because something wasn’t allowed or was taboo doesn’t mean it’s “bad.” They can’t protect you from everything. You are allowed to form your own ideas and opinions about things. You are allowed to believe what you want to believe. Your identity will change. What is important to you will change. Who you are will change. You’re so young right now and you don’t know what you want in life. You don’t really truly know who you are. You haven’t even begun to figure out life yet. Just relax. Sit and enjoy the ride. Stop trying to have it all figured out and enjoy these years of your life. You won’t appreciate them until they’re gone. Open your mind. Don’t limit yourself. Don’t try to deny or suppress what you feel just because it doesn’t align with what your parents think or believe. All your life you’ve been surrounded by close mindedness and a very small group of people that are all very similar. You’ve only been exposed to what they wanted you to be exposed to. Don’t think that is how everyone and everything is. Don’t think that’s all that’s out there. There’s a whole world out there that you don’t know about. There’s so much you don’t know.

Spend more time discovering who you are. You’ve always been torn between who you are, who you want to be, and who you think you should be. You don’t have to be who your parents think you should be. It’s your life not theirs. I know you don’t want to disappoint them or hurt them. But, you are your own person. You are an individual. You’ve always been independent, but allow your individualism to be seen because that’s where you will thrive most. That’s where you will find yourself. You can’t spend your whole life trying to be someone that you don’t want to be. Don’t try to live up to the standards you think they have for you. You’ll never be happy and will always feel like you aren’t good enough. Please don’t waste your life trying to live up to their idea of who you should be. Or who anything thinks you should be for that matter. Be good enough for you. Do it for you. Be yourself. Be one hundred fucking percent you. Embrace who you are and what makes you, you. Everyone knows you’re smart, you don’t need to say it. But, know that smart is sexy. Confidence is hella sexy. But, don’t let that develop into arrogance. You’re no better than anyone else. Your strong will and determination will take you far. Never lose your independence. Dream big. Learn how to take constructive criticism. Learn how to receptively listen. Learn how to understand what you’re being told. Learn to be patient. Your brutal honesty is good, but do think sometimes before you speak, okay? It’s so important to be honest, but not at the cost of someone else. Always be honest, but with consideration. There’s always a better way something can be said. Stubborn is cool, but stupid is not. Know when to push and when to pull back. Not all fights are worth it. Accept that there are some fights that you won’t win. Consider consequences before you do something. Be quick to apologize when you’re wrong. Keep your ego in check and put your pride aside. Lose with class. Allow your creativity to run wild. You’ve always been a deep thinker and that’s a good thing. You’ll appreciate your depth later down the road. Continue to be your sassy, smart-ass sarcastic self. Be your observant and witty self. Be the enigma that you are. It’s okay to be complex. Complicated isn’t always a bad thing. Stay interesting, it’s intriguing. Boring is basic. Be different, it’s what makes you stand out. It’s what makes you, you. You’re beautiful inside and out. Don’t compare yourself to others ever. Don’t ever let someone’s disapproval of you change you into someone that you’re not. Don’t let something someone said stop you from being authentically you. Don’t be so self-conscious about the things that you see as flaws because no one really cares. You notice a lot more about yourself than anyone else does. Your insecurities all tie back to how much you love yourself. How much you accept yourself for who you are. Don’t ever lose sight of who you are. Be confident in who you are.

Don’t try to be someone you’re not or change who you are. You don’t need anyone’s approval except yours. Stop trying to fit in so badly. You care way too much about what other people think. If people don’t like you for who you are, you don’t want them in your life. You're being fake and they like you for someone that you are not. It’s a fake friendship. Accept that you can’t change who someone else is and that no one should change who you are. Authenticity and confidence attract people to you. People only have as much power as you give them. If you don’t care what they think, they have no power over you. It’s okay if who you are isn’t who your parents think you should be. It’s okay if who you are isn’t who society thinks you should be. Don’t try to force yourself to be into someone or something that you aren’t. Don’t limit yourself or others with labels or stereotypes. There isn’t a one size fits all. Most stereotypes aren’t even accurate. Don’t let gender norms and traditional gender roles limit you. Don’t think you have to fit into any sort of box. Because you don’t. You define who you want to be, by your standards and definitions. No matter what you do in life people will always judge you and someone will always disapprove. Do what you want to do. Say what you want to say. Never sacrifice who you are to make someone else happy. Live without limits. Love unconditionally. Stay true to who you are. Never apologize for who you are just because of someone’s misunderstanding of who you are.

I know you have always questioned things. I know you were always a bit confused. Beliefs. Who you are. Feelings. Life. Purpose. Your future. The meaning of your life. If things were different. If you were supposed to do certain things. If something was wrong with you because you’d never been on date. If things were okay or not regardless of what you were told. You know if it was okay to be a tomboy and not a girly girl. If it was okay to express yourself and your opinion. If it was okay not to agree with everything that your parents do. I know that you’ve never totally agreed with all the views and beliefs that your parents have. I know that you’ve been in conflict for as long as you can remember. You never had answers. You never had true freedom of speech. You were always torn internally between the traditional views you were taught and everything else. It’s hard to understand things about yourself and about the world across the traditional boundaries that you are always surrounded by. You’ve never known anything different. It’s like you’ve lived in an environment of isolation all your life. You’ve never been around anything or anyone different. You were always somewhere in the gray area. Trying to figure everything out when everything’s so unfamiliar. Figuring things out when you’ve been so sheltered and have such a strong religious upbringing. Those questions are good. Keep asking questions. You shouldn’t believe everything just because you’re told you should. You should make your own choices and decide on your own after you’ve seen other and not just because that’s all you’ve ever known. Don’t ever just accept something that you’re told. And you can’t find yourself if you’ve never been allowed to. You can’t find yourself without being free.

It doesn’t matter how many friends you have now. Most of the stuff that you do now doesn’t matter. Don’t let it be a big deal when it won’t be in a few years. About 95% of the people you have in your life now won’t be in your life in five years. They will be just a name from your past. If they don’t want to be your friend, you don’t need them. If they don’t accept and like you for who you are, you don’t want them. Anyone that doesn’t like and accept you for who you are isn’t someone that you want to be friend with. Also, there are a lot of fake bitches out there so be careful. But, those friendships through grade school… DON’T. MATTER. If they don’t stick or are lost one summer, let them go. Make more friends. Don’t be so picky. It’s important who you surround yourself with, but don’t be a wall flower. Don’t stop caring about friendships like you do, but don’t put so much pressure on your friends. Not everyone values the friendships they have like you do. Everyone has a different definition of what a friend is. Not everyone you meet is meant to be a lifelong friend. Every friend you have won't become your best friend. People come and go, don’t get attached.

Be nice to people. It’s not cool to be mean. It’s not cool or okay to treat people like shit. Don’t be ruthless. Don’t be rude. Don’t judge anyone for anything. Don’t stereotype people. Don’t look down on people or things that you don’t understand. Don’t hate. Treat people with the same amount of respect and consideration you would want someone to treat you with. It matters so much how you treat others. It tells you a lot about someone’s character how they treat people. It shows your heart. People matter. They really do. They’re not disposable and expendable. They have feelings and emotions. If you treat people like they matter, they will return that love. If I could go back and change anything, it would be how I treated people. Be considerate of other people. Show people you care. Compliment someone. Appreciate people and show it. Learn how to accept a compliment for goodness sake. Don’t be selfish. Give without wanting anything in return, no strings attached. Help out just because you want to. It’s not all about you. Don’t be an asshole. Everyone doesn’t need to like you, but everyone doesn’t need to hate you either. Learn how to genuinely be a good person. Don’t be fake nice. Never say something that you don’t mean. Be honest, but kind with your words. Do your best to end things on good terms. You never know who you might come across later in life. Don’t burn bridges. Don’t ever put making money ahead of people. People over profit will always be more profitable than putting profits first. If you have to push someone down in order to get ahead, you will never stay ahead.People always remember how you made them feel.

You have an incredible heart. I know you want to appear strong. I know you want to be in control. I know that right now you view caring and showing emotion as weaknesses. I know that you think that if you don’t show it that no one can hurt you. But, you shouldn’t be afraid to share your big heart with the world. The world needs hearts like yours. You feel things so deeply yet you never show it. You feel so much and sometimes you think that you’re more emotional than the people that show their emotions. People think you don’t have any emotions because you never express them. But, you’re actually really sensitive and fragile. You just never let anyone close enough to see that side of you. You keep your emotions so close to your heart. Don’t be afraid to be emotional and open up to people. I know it’s really hard for you to be vulnerable. But, it’s not a bad thing. You need to be able to be vulnerable to grow. You’re afraid to let people in. But, you don’t have to keep it all in. You need to let it out. Because if you don’t, at some point or another you won’t be able to handle it anymore. You won’t be able to keep it in check. It will all be released sooner or later. If you don’t have anyone you want to open up to, writing is great and music will become your two new best friends. Trust your gut when it comes to people. Trust actions not words. I know that you struggle with trusting people and that you don’t care about many people. But, don’t isolate yourself from everyone. I know that when you love, you love with your whole heart. You love hard and without reservations. You lose the ability to hate when you love. You love through pain. That’s when your big heart becomes most apparent. You care so much. And you’d do anything for someone you care about. That’s a strength and weakness though. Because not everyone will do what you’re willing to do for them. And the people you care about the most are the ones that can hurt you the most. Just be smart and don’t let down all your walls until they prove that they aren’t going to leave you and that they actually care about you. You don’t have to protect yourself from everyone, not everyone will hurt you. But, don’t let everyone in, not everyone deserve you. Don’t give everyone your heart because not everyone will take care of it. Don’t stop caring. Don’t stop being thoughtful. You don’t have to be the tough kid. You have a fragile heart. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to show your feelings. It’s okay to care. Learn how to effectively express your emotions and feelings. Verbally and figuratively. It’s okay to be sensitive. It’s okay to be weak at times. It’s okay to show that you’re human too.

Appreciate the life that you have now. Appreciate not having to pay for things and pay bills. Appreciate the easiness of school cause once you get to college it’s much harder. Appreciate nap time. Eat all the food you can cause soon you’ll be a starving college student. Appreciate how you can just get by with your smarts and not have to study. Appreciate all of your achievements and the time you spend practicing for athletics. Appreciate your parents for everything they’ve sacrificed and done for you. By the end of college, they will have helped you more than you could ever repay. Appreciate every moment that you have and all the things that people do for you. Appreciate the innocence of everything. Appreciate the lack of responsibility. Appreciate your youth. Appreciate the simple things. It's the simple things in life that you will find happiness in. Learn to be grateful. Learn to love your life. Every single moment and breath.

You don’t always get what you want. It’s not always a bad thing though. If you don’t get what you want, it isn’t the end of the world. Chances are it is better that you didn’t get exactly what you wanted at that time. You’ll be happier in the long run. Don’t be afraid of being told no. Life has a funny way of working out things the way they are supposed to work out. Remember the world doesn’t revolve around you. Shit happens. No one’s life is perfect no matter how much it might seem that way. No one is perfect. Life isn’t going to be smooth sailing. It’s not about what happens to you, it’s about how you get through it. What you learn from it. I promise that you’ll make it through anything that happens to you. Some things will just take more time than others. Everything that happens is just a part of your story. A chapter of your life. Don’t forget your past, but don’t live in it. Don’t hide your scars, embrace them. They’re your battle wounds from all the battles you’ve won. Your past is a part of you, but it doesn’t define you. You can’t always control everything and not everything should be controlled. Learn to be okay with not being in control. Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.

Don’t overthink everything. Things are rarely what you think they are. Jumping to the worst case scenario isn’t going to do anything except make you worry and overreact. And do stupid shit that you will regret. Things will work out how they’re supposed to. Things aren’t often as they seem, that goes with anything in life. Don’t make a big deal out of little things. There are very few things you’ll face now that are actual problems. Don’t allow people to get a rise out of you. That’s what they want. People feed off of getting a rise out of other people. If they don’t agree with you, take a minute to listen to them. You can’t expect them to respect your opinion if you don’t respect theirs. Don’t get butt hurt and pissed off. Don’t allow someone to control how you feel. Don’t give them that power. It’s okay to be annoyed and frustrated, but don’t get angry and upset. Life’s too short for that. Handle things with class and maturity. Stay level headed. Make it so that it’s really hard to get you actually mad. Think about what the other person was thinking or could be going through. Ask yourself if it’s really important and move on. There are few things in this world that are truly worth getting angry over. Once you realize this, you’ll become a much better person. What you think is important now, won’t necessarily be important now. What matters now, probably won’t matter later. Overthinking isn’t always a bad thing though. It allows you to think about things on a deeper level. This is something you will learn and appreciate later down the road. You just have to learn how to channel it in a positive way to where you control it and it doesn’t control and consume you.

Don’t be so uptight. Wander outside of the lines. Live on the edge. Don’t follow all the rules. You’re not more important than anyone else. Make a fool of yourself. Let loose. Live a little and enjoy life. You’re not entitled to anything. You’re never too good for anything. Stay humble. You’re not the shit, you’re a little shit. Get over yourself. If you’re trying to be cool, you’re not cool. Chill out. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone. Stop thinking you do. It’s okay to be wild. Be more social. Find what makes you calm. Learn how to relax. Take chances. The memories that you will treasure most are the ones where you didn’t have a care in the world. The times where you lived outside of the lines. The times when you didn’t follow the rules. Don’t be so afraid of getting in trouble that you forget to live.

Love is a complicated thing. It will be a while before you actually feel something real for someone. And that’s okay. Everyone moves at their own pace. And the more you are looking for love, the least likely you will attract the right kind. Don’t try to force something if it isn’t there. Don’t get into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Learn to be okay and enjoy being single. You don’t need anyone but yourself. Don’t be the girl so desperate to be in a relationship. The best people find you when you aren’t looking. Take things slow. Set firm boundaries and standards for yourself. Don’t believe what people say to you, trust actions. Don’t be so desperate for attention that you lose your standards. You’ll go through that phase that every girl goes through... Don’t just date anyone. Be selective. Know what you want. Don’t settle for less. Don’t be with anyone who doesn’t support you. Don’t be with anyone who wants or tries to change you. Don’t be with anyone who doesn’t let you be you. Leave physicality out, it just clouds judgement. Don’t be afraid to talk about anything on a first date. Cut the small talk and formalities and be real. No one wants to waste their time. And the sooner you ask those important questions, the sooner you’ll be able to tell if they want to be with you for the right reasons. Value an intellectual connection above a physical one. It will last longer because it’s deeper. Fall in love with someone for who they are and not what they are. You should want someone for their heart and mind and not other parts. Live by that. The first person that breaks your heart might not even be someone that you were in a relationship with. Your first love might not even be someone you expected to love. Sometimes love just happens and you can’t control it. And sometimes you can’t control who you fall in love with. You can’t stop yourself from falling in love no matter how hard you try. You will confuse love and lust a few times. Learn the difference between the two. Leaving physicality out of things will make it easier to see the difference. Don’t be too eager. Don’t fall to hard for someone too soon. Don’t limit love. Be open to it. Don’t drop everything and rearrange your life for someone. Make them prove that they want you and are going to stay in your life. Learn to be so comfortable and content being single that for someone to make you give that up they must be a diamond. Time shows true colors. Take the time to really get to know someone before you agree to be in a relationship with them. Pay attention to red flags. You will think you’re in love a few times, but you’ll realize you weren’t when you really fall in love with someone. Your first true heartbreak isn’t the first person you fall in love with, it’s the first person who breaks your heart. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. If you’re still trying to figure out who you are, you won’t find that in someone else. Find someone who compliments you, not someone who completes you. Learn how to value yourself. You have to be able to see your value and self-worth before you expect someone else to see it. You have to learn to not settle for anything or anyone less than you deserve.

You don’t know what you want. You don’t know what you like. You don’t know what you believe. All you know is everything your parents have taught you and that you have been surrounded by. You have been protected from the world your whole childhood and know nothing. What you think now and what you think you want now won’t be what you want in ten years. Your parents did a good job raising you. You had a really good childhood, be grateful for that because a lot of people aren’t as lucky as you. And they love you so much. But, they’ve also shielded you from so many things of this world. They haven’t allowed you to have true freedom of speech and free will. They did their best to made sure that you stayed “pure." You developed into the person they wanted you to be without any other influence. When you move away and don’t have them constantly looking over your shoulder and filtering through what you see and hear, you will be in for a bit of a culture shock. Don’t go crazy with your freedom though. Things that you always think will be a part of your life won’t always be. Be open to everything that you’ve been closed off from.

You’ll branch off eventually. You’ll leave for college. You’ll explore. You’ll experience things. You’ll experience tons of new things and people from all walks of life. You’ll questions things even more than you do now. But, don’t let that scare you. It will be a good period for you. A period of finding yourself and of discovering what’s really important, what matters to you. You’ll find answers. You will be able to figure out who you are a part from who your parents told you to be all your life. And you’ll be comfortable and love who that person is. You’ll realize that all your life you’ve been the person they wanted you to be and never your own person, but you will be. And for the first time, you’re free.

You’ll do crazy shit. You’ll do things you never thought you’d do. You have a wild side, you just haven’t found it yet. You’ll try new things. You’ll become friends with people you never thought you’d associate with. You’ll find that cuss words are great. You’ll truly be happy for the first time in your life. You’ll be free. You’ll look back on your childhood and think of how stupid you were and think of the things that you thought were big deals and laugh. You won’t remember most of it. Your childhood will all just fade together as a whole. But, you will appreciate all those pictures your mom took of you growing up that you hated. You’ll look back on the girl that you used to be and be so proud of how far you’ve come. You’ll look back and be amazed at who you were and who you’ve become. You’ll look back and smile.

Love yourself. You’re one freaking cool human being. And you’re going to grow into a remarkable person. You will figure out who you are. You will find your place in this world, but that isn’t right now. Right now, live in the moment and love yourself. Not in a narcissistic way, but love who you are. The years will fly by. Appreciate everything you have and everything you are. Focus on what’s really important to you. Focus now on what makes you happy. Fully embrace all the weirdness and complex things that make you who you are. Don’t try to be like everyone else. You will be a completely different person in ten years. Someone that you never thought you’d become, but in a good way. You’ll be a better version of you. Be okay with the fact that you’re not a typical girl. Because that’s a good thing. You’re not easy and that’s a good thing as well. Someone who is worth it won’t want easy because easy isn’t always worth it. Invest in experiences and not things. Learn to be happy with less. Be more adventurous. Fight for what you want. Never stop growing. Be super excited for your future. There is so much in store for you. You’re going to do big things with your life. Find a happy balance for everything in life. Find what makes you feel alive. Find your passion and you’ll find yourself. Don't get caught up in all the meaningless things of this life. Don't worry about your presence being felt, just make sure your absence is. Make a difference. Seek to be worth knowing and not well known.

Write more. Eat good food. Be happy and smile more. Live in the moment. Show appreciation. Love yourself. Make memories. Be a good human.

With so much love,

Your Future Self

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About the Creator

M F

Your Feelings Are Valid Author. Chainsmokers and Fletcher fanatic. Quote lover. More emotional than your typical Capricorn. TPA. ISTJ. Lesbian. Asian.

Insta: @garnishdaddy. Owner of Native Cocktail Events

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