This Is How You Will Heal

And this is how you will heal...

It will be a process. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. These things take time. And no, “time doesn’t heal all wounds.” It’s what you do during that time that will determine the healing you experience.

You will have good days. And you will have bad days.

There will be days when you will feel like the past is finally behind you. And other days when you feel your heart physically aching, and you wonder if maybe you’re just always going to feel this way.

And sometimes, you will have to mentally remind yourself to breathe because the dull pain in your chest makes it difficult to even consider getting through another day.

And it’s in those moments that you will need to remind yourself to be patient with your own soul. Because the truth is, there is no timeline to healing. There is no secret recipe. There is no sure cure. Healing looks different for everyone. Even on a day-to-day basis.

Some days, healing will look like a road trip to chase waterfalls, or binge-watching Netflix (probably New Girl), or buying an extra coffee to get through your work day (even though it cuts into your weekly budget a little).

Some days, healing will look like driving to your parents' house in the middle of the night just to be held in their arms, and all you want to hear are the words, “It’s going to be okay.”

Some days, healing is going to look like listening to “Die From A Broken Heart” by Maddie & Tae and ugly cry singing along to it.

Some days, healing isn’t going to look as pretty as the word sounds when you say it. You will come to have a new understanding of what it means. In your younger years, healing meant “getting better.” It meant Mama’s kiss on your paper cut finger would make the pain go away. It meant that the cast on your arm would come off in a certain amount of time and your bones would be as good as new. It meant that the fever usually broke in the middle of the night while you were sleeping fitfully, and in the morning, you would wake up weak, but on the road to recovery. Those were all physical injuries, though. Healing your mental and emotional state requires using a different approach.

Your brain is the most powerful thing you know. And your heart is the most fragile part of your world. When either or both of these are damaged by an outside force, it’s a strong battle to fight for healing. It takes specific, and oftentimes extreme, decisions and actions to get yourself to a place of healing. And sometimes, you can’t get there right away. Sometimes, you need to just sit in the processing phase for a minute. And then move on to coping. But don’t stay there for too long because you need to drag yourself into the letting go level, and start making your way to the healing room. And then you take a day at a time. A day at a time, action by action, decision by decision. Slowly going through all the things that you need to let go of in order to move on from whatever caused you pain. And this looks different for everyone too.

Sometimes, it’s as easy as blocking a phone number and deleting a text thread. Sometimes, it’s removing certain pictures off of your phone. Sometimes, it’s avoiding going to certain places—whether it be a store, church, or your workplace. Yes, I already mentioned taking extreme actions, and this will sometimes include changing your way of life, changing jobs, or changing the environment you had built your life around.

And you know what?

It’s okay.

It’s okay to feel all the feelings that you are currently feeling. It’s okay to not know how to heal. It’s okay to be messy about it and have bad days amidst the good days. It’s okay to have weak moments. It’s okay to ugly cry and scream and have days where you feel broken. It’s okay to have to figure out what your healing process looks like. It’s okay that it doesn’t look like anyone else’s. It’s okay because you’re not the only one in need of healing. And nobody can tell you what your healing journey needs to look like. We are each so uniquely and individually created. Our paths in life might cross over to others' here and there, but ultimately, our roads are our own. No two situations are alike, including the pain we face and the healing it will take.

Be gentle with yourself during this time.

Ask yourself what you need to heal.

And then listen.

Your heart will tell you.