The Search for Enlightenment

Searching for Enlightenment

I have always believed that happiness is something to be found. That one day I will find someone or something that will make me think "Yeah, I'm finally happy." A sudden change in feelings where all the years of hurt disappear, and all you feel is joy. You can live the rest of your life in total tranquility.

Recent events have made me realize that maybe happiness is not a something or a someone. Enlightenment can't just be placed in an object. No inanimate thing can truly make anyone happy. The novelty wears off after a period of time, and then what? You buy something else to fill that hole again?

And what about love (or lust). Your "soul mate" shows up, and to start with, the honeymoon period is so god damn amazing you both feel untouchable. No one can get in your way. You go for meals and get to know each other and their annoying habits, but you don't care about them because everything is so perfect. You love them just the way you are.

But what I want to know is what happens after you buy that object you've been craving for? What happens when it breaks? What happens if you don't feel for it the same way you do when you first bought it? Do you just replace it? Will it feel the same as before? Or will those feelings have faded?

It's the same with love (or should I say lust). After a while, those feelings of excitement and happiness start to fade. And what was once the happiest time of your life becomes normal and everything you hoped the relationship would be turns out to be the opposite. (This happened a lot in my life.) Those habits that you once thought were "cute" suddenly make you want to hit them over the head with a spade.

But the same question still lies.

How do you find happiness?

I first asked myself this question when I was young. My goal, my dream was to always be happy. Everyone wants that, right? Some people travel all over the world searching for enlightenment. Some people spend years of their precious lives looking for something that is right in front of them. Or should I say, right inside of them.

I've been lucky enough to have been told a very important life lesson from a relative of mine, which has lead me to find what I believe true happiness and enlightenment really means.

Happiness is not money. Happiness is not an object. Happiness is not a person.

True happiness lies within your own mind. Happiness is having morals, self confidence, self love, honesty with your self and those surrounding you. There are so many factors which construct happiness and I now truly believe everyone of them. "Happiness is a choice," as my Auntie would tell me. Every one of my actions is a choice I make. So consequently, I can't be happy without choosing to be, right? No one else can do it for me.

Positive. A lot of people say this word

"Stay positive, everything will be okay."

"All you have to do is stay positive."

And to a certain degree, they are correct. But it's not as easy as that, right? In my experience, it's proven very hard to "stay positive" when in that moment of sadness, to you, there is no reason in the world you would want to be positive. Work, family, social, everything happens at the same time. And what I used to do when this happened, as most people probably still do, is I gave up. Yes, I was a giver upper. For example, there are two paths in front of you, two very different paths.

One is flat, straight, slightly downhill at some points. There's no scenery, just boring flat road for miles and miles.

The other is tough. Some may say impossible. It is full of uphill scrambles and rocky paths. But it's green, with flowers and blue skies.

When I saw these two paths, I mostly always took the easy option. Who on this earth would choose an uphill sweat fest over an easy downhill stroll? And that's the thing. It's easy. And that's why we fall into the same trap, over and over again. Sometimes I would feel adventurous and start to take the harder path. It felt good, something new and different—until something knocked me down, and instead of pushing through that? I gave up.

And this happened over and over again. Nothing in this world gave me enough strength. Nothing gave me enough courage. No one gave me enough happiness to want to fight.

And do you see where I went wrong? I was relying on other things, other people to get me through the hard times, rather than going out there and finding a reason to carry on for myself (don't get me wrong, a hug from Mum can still solve most problems). But that same day I stood at those two roads again for a long time. In that moment, I promised myself that I would never take that easy road again, no matter how bad things got. So I began my climb. I took chances, even left a very good job to chase my dreams. I've faced tons of challenging situations but instead of giving up like I would have done before, I carried on. Without realizing, I became happier. I looked healthier. I was sleeping better. But best of all?

I was proud of myself.

I found enlightenment.