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The Beginning

One day, I woke up.

By Jordyn WoodsPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Me: Day After the Car Accident

So.

Everybody wants to be a star, right?

That's what I thought I wanted more than anything for the longest time. I'd lay in bed fantasizing about acceptance speeches and stadium performances; proving my grade-school bullies wrong about me and anything else that's supposed to go right for the protagonist in a YA novel.

I thought I wanted that, but for some odd reason I could never take action toward it. Sure I could make music; I spent hours in my version of a home studio as a teen (my guitar, my voice and a pair of headphones with a mic draped across a series of hangers from my ceiling fan so I could play and record simultaneously), writing and recording. When it came to performing though, I felt so much emptiness.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to perform well. I wanted to feel that connection with the crowd, to give them everything I had and make their faces glow with every good feeling. I couldn't though, because it felt like there was nothing in me to give until recently. This inner conflict is something I'm getting over, but still dealing with. Actually many people are.

See, part of the reason a lot of us can't reach for our dreams is because we have the wrong motivation. At that time in my life I knew I wanted to pursue music, but all I could think about is what other people would think of me. How I would blow people's minds and prove people wrong and show the world.

People. People. People.

I hadn't stopped to think about why I loved making music on a deeper level, so there were no roots to keep me grounded in the soil of my dream. I was a wilting flower, reaching towards the sun only to burn.

I didn't think about my dream in depth until I was eighteen, after my best friend and I decided to go our separate ways. He was the best friend I'd ever had, and amazingly our friendship never turned into romance, even though it nearly did. It was all a matter of timing, really, and I'm glad we never dated. I could go on and on about this friend, but I won't because that's a whole other group of stories I'll share with you in the future.

The point is, it was something I could see coming to an end, like falling off a skateboard, and I was wrecked when it finally did. He was the type to mourn things before they end, so he moved on rather quickly. But I'm the kind of person who always secretly has faith that things will get better, and I was feeling all this pain because I was being forced to finally give up.

I took that first week alone to examine myself and who I'd become. I didn't want any support, so I didn't tell anyone about the split. I stayed in my room and for the first time in forever and just listened to music for enjoyment. I cried and laughed with the melodies, allowed myself to be a fan rather than an artist, writer, or anything else I previously thought I needed to be.

I was starting to heal, but things were suddenly put on hold when I got into a car accident. That's also a story for another day, but let's just say it changed my perspective on life, and not for the better. I didn't react to the accident the way I thought I should've. No one was hurt (the car however, was totaled and it's a miracle everyone involved survived unscathed), but after that kind of dance with death, most people suddenly value their lives. They do all the things on their bucket lists because "tomorrow isn't promised."

Instead, I fell into a depression...

I didn't know what pulled me out of it at the time, but I know now it was music again. Slowly, by listening instead of putting pressure on myself to create, I started to heal again. And this was when I realized the power music truly has. I realized finally the motivation (I knew I would get back to the point eventually) I was looking for outside myself had always been right inside.

I learned that music has the power to change hearts. To break boundaries. To save lives, to be honest. And most of all, I discovered that it can lessen the pain of life's ups and downs. And one day I woke up and just felt this glow, and I realized I was already a star. Being famous has nothing to do with it.

It was that day I decided I wanted to give that glow to the world, whether it be through music or not. My motivation, my purpose, is not to make music or get famous or even make a living. It is no longer what people will think of me that decides my actions. My purpose is to spread joy and help people to feel better, even if it's just a little, and I only choose to do this through music because it's the gift I was given. My actions are ruled by my insatiable need to help others feel hopeful, and I will never give up on that.

If you're still reading, I'm glad someone is interested in my story. I'm really still at the beginning. I'm in the process of building a stronger minded person to move this body of mine to do great things. I never want to stop growing and learning, and really I'm mostly going to be writing these stories for myself, so later on I can see how far I've come.

That said, we're all on our own journey's, and my story is just one of a billion. Hopefully, it can at least make someone laugh if nothing else, because that means I'm making someone feel better. More importantly, I hope reading about me pursuing my dream gives others the courage to pursue theirs.

Everybody wants to be a star, right?

goals
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About the Creator

Jordyn Woods

I'm in the process of making my dream to become a song-writer and producer a reality. My stories will be about my journey, including stories from my past.

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