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I know it may seem never ending but I promise you it'll be okay. I promise you this bullying won't destroy you. Cristina, in 10 years, you'll be a college student studying psychology. This pain you're feeling, the agony that just seems never ending is not gonna be the rest of your life. You flourished into a beautiful young girl with hopes and dreams to help others. You struggle emotionally and socially but you make it. I know you believe you wouldn't live past 18-years-old but here we are, two years later. I'm typing this up in my dorm room on a laptop you bought yourself. You earned this money on your own. You will find you save haven at a beautiful camp that you will stay for a while. You gain amazing experiences and you will gain love from your friends. Yes, you will have friends. You will have a small knit of friends who you will continue to grow with in life. You'll go to prom in a gorgeous red dress and sparkly heels and dance the night away. You will achieve great things and I promise these obstacles won't be for nothing.
You will find it hard to trust future significant others because you are afraid that they'll hurt you. I'll tell you about three significant boys that will come into your life
Boy A: You will meet this boy are your camp and think he is the most horrid creature on the planet but by some miracle you guys end up dating... twice. The first time just didn't work out, both of you were at different points in your life and it wouldn't work out. The second time was a bit different, you guys shared your first kiss but he took advantage of it. He told you that you were obligated to give him sexual activity because you are his girlfriend. Stand your ground and don't give in. He would never be worth it and he isn't worth the time.
Boy B: You met this boy almost a year after Boy A. He made an impact on you. He treated you with such respect and he cared about you. You were his world and he was yours. This boy took your virginity and things went downhill, he was dealing with his own demons and he couldn't handle a relationship at the time. You both ended up drifting apart but he will always have a special place in your heart.
Boy C: You met this boy months after Boy B and it seemed okay but then things went off the rails. Since being with Boy A you found your ground and stood up for yourself when you needed it but it didn't work out. He told you that your job wasn't worth the time and that you should find a better one. He told you that the career field you were working in isn't realistic and this broke you. You cut him off without warning and you were hurt but at the same time, it made you stronger.
Boy D: This is the current boy, he is a college graduate with a degree in psychology and he is your gem. He is your world and everything about him is just wonderful. He has his goals and hopes. He has a good head on his shoulder and respects you tremendously. He makes you feel happy but safe at the same time. You guys have a healthy relationship where you can talk about almost anything. He understands you and you understand him. This one is a keeper.
One more thing to leave off at is that mom will challenge you a lot. You need to do your own thing because you know what's best for yourself. It'll be okay to do your own thing and let her help but you drive your own life. Stand up for yourself and keep your head high. You've defeated her judgements and you will keep doing it. You're smart and you're absolutely beautiful. Don't forget that ever.
I love you
Your Future Self,
Cristina Age 20