At my ripe old age of 27, I shouldn't be this scared of life.
My life consists of work and home. That's it. There are so many things that I want to achieve in my life, but I just can't bring myself to do any of them. I am frozen. I was so worried about all the ways that I could fail and disappoint my parents that I never followed through with college. I got into three different places and then the worry set in. What if I failed all my classes? What if I was just terrible at it? I've never even had a meaningful relationship because I am so scared that my timid heart will get broken and I'll never get over it.
My life can't just be this. Stale and unused. I hate that I am wasting the life that I was given on being mundane. Knowing that my life is a total waste gets me down and just makes me want to cry all the time. I'm frozen where I am.
For the new year I decided that I am going to change the way I look at life. I don't want to be scared anymore. So I started reading up on how to change and be fearless. What I found was not helpful at all! Each article that I read had a common theme: "Fake it till you make it" and "Don't think... Act." What kind of advice is that? Sure I'll make terrible decisions and when shit hits the fan I'll just "let it go." Yeah, right. For the last year that's exactly what I tried to do. It didn't go well at all. I ended up dating a guy who was so wrong for me because I was trying to go with the flow. I moved into a place that I can barely afford because I didn't think it through and "acted." God, it sucks living that way.
The next piece of advice that most articles had in common was that I should get an appointment to see a therapist. Sure, I'll get right on that. I can totally afford to sit for an hour telling a stranger all about how my family completely tore my confidence to shreds on a regular basis for my whole life (a bit of an over share). Perhaps I'll save up for a session and see if they can tell me something new.
This year it's all going to change. I am taking full control over my life down to the smallest detail. It's a good thing that I love checklists and plans. I figure if I know exactly how everything is going to turn out, I won't have anything to be afraid of.
What I want to do this year is have adventures but planned out adventures. I'll start with small adventures that I can control and get to bigger ones in time. I want my life to get in order. I just want to use every moment in my day to the fullest. To do this I am going to plan my day down to the minute. I have a habit of getting distracted by tv or the internet because I get sucked into watching other peoples lives and not trying to make mine the way that I want it to be.
That's it from me today.
Amelia
P.S. I will be keeping a record of my efforts here so keep an eye out for them.
About the Creator
Amie C
Just trying to make my mark however small it may be.
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Embracing The Darkness
In the depths of night, when the world is cloaked in shadows and silence reigns, there exists a realm of solitude where personal narratives unfold. It is in these moments, alone in the dark, that we confront our deepest fears, grapple with our innermost desires, and embark on a journey of self-discovery that transcends the boundaries of time and space.Every individual possesses a unique narrative, a tapestry of experiences woven together by the threads of joy and sorrow, triumphs and tribulations. These narratives, like constellations scattered across the night sky, guide us through the labyrinth of life, illuminating our path with the light of self-awareness and introspection.For some, being alone in the dark evokes a sense of trepidation, a fear of the unknown that lurks in the shadows. Yet, it is precisely in this darkness that we find the courage to confront our deepest fears, to face the demons that haunt the recesses of our minds. It is here, in the silence of the night, that we discover the strength within ourselves to emerge victorious, to transcend the limitations of our fears and emerge stronger, more resilient than before.In my own personal narrative, the darkness has been both a source of solace and a crucible of transformation. There have been moments when I have felt lost in the labyrinth of my own thoughts, overwhelmed by the weight of uncertainty and doubt. Yet, it is in these moments of darkness that I have found the clarity to see beyond the illusions of fear and uncertainty, to embrace the light of hope and possibility that resides within me.One such moment occurred during a period of profound loss and grief in my life. As I grappled with the pain of saying goodbye to a loved one, I found myself consumed by darkness, engulfed in a sea of sorrow that threatened to drown me. In those long, lonely nights, I felt the weight of despair pressing down upon me, suffocating me with its relentless intensity.Yet, it was in the midst of that darkness that I discovered a glimmer of light, a flicker of hope that refused to be extinguished. It was the memory of my loved one, their laughter echoing in the chambers of my heart, their spirit guiding me through the darkness like a beacon in the night. In their absence, I found the strength to carry on, to honor their memory by living my life with purpose and passion.In the silence of the night, I began to unravel the tangled threads of my grief, to find meaning amidst the chaos of loss. I sought solace in the beauty of nature, finding solace in the gentle embrace of the moonlight as it bathed the world in its soft, silver glow. I found comfort in the words of poets and philosophers, whose wisdom illuminated the path ahead with its timeless truths. Slowly but surely, I began to emerge from the darkness, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of despair. With each passing day, I felt the heaviness in my heart begin to lift, replaced by a sense of peace and acceptance that I had not known before. I realized that while the darkness had tested my resolve, it had also forged within me a resilience that would carry me through even the darkest of times.Today, as I look back on that journey through the darkness, I am filled with gratitude for the lessons it has taught me. I have learned that even in our darkest moments, there is always a glimmer of light to guide us forward, to remind us that we are never truly alone. I have learned that it is in facing our fears that we find the courage to transcend them, to embrace the fullness of life with open arms.In the tapestry of personal narratives that weave together the fabric of human experience, the darkness is but a thread, a fleeting moment in the grand symphony of life. Yet, it is a thread that holds within it the power to transform, to inspire, to illuminate the darkest corners of our souls. And so, as I journey forth into the unknown, I do so with a heart full of hope and a spirit renewed by the wisdom of the darkness.
By White head3 days ago in Motivation
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