Stop Paying Your Fantasy Self to Ruin Your Life

You're doing it again. Standing on the stage, millions of adoring fans chanting your name while you shred on that shiny red guitar sitting in the back of your closet. Maybe you're high up on the steps of some Tibetan monastery in perfect tree pose.

Back to reality now, you're at your desk at work and the sound of roaring fans, or the patter of rain on those monastery steps, are now replaced by the copier that's out dated and overworked or the clack of your coworker's acrylic nails on her keyboard.

Nothing wrong with day dreaming, right? Imagining yourself a million miles away from your day to day, living the perfect life with a bank account to match. Right, unless your actual bank account is funding your fantasy self.

How much have we all spent on our other self? Maybe we all haven't bought a guitar that we're going to master one of these days. It could be a closet full of expensive clothes we never wear but in our fantasy lives we're trendsetters with an unlimited credit line. How about that time you were going to become a famous fitness personality online? Thousands of Instagram and YouTube followers hungrily digesting your workout videos and protein shake images. How much went to buying the expensive work out gear? The unused gym membership, the huge jar of protein powder that's now way past expired in the back of the cupboard? It all seems harmless and worth it in the moment when we're going to redefine ourselves and then it inevitably becomes one of those things you'll get around to one of these days.

Heads up, you won't.

If you haven't had the urge to chuck on those Gymshark leggings and snap some perfectly poised fitspo shots in the mirror at the gym, after an intense "sweat sesh"...

You're not going to do it. Not today, not tomorrow, and definitely not "one of these days."

All of these things you've spent money on that you're never going to get around to are not only draining your account, but they're piling up around you and choking out your actual self. Stop feeding the fantasy. The more time we spend living these fantasy lives, not only are we shelling out ridiculous amounts of money, but that's also time wasted. Money can be made every day, but once time is spent, there is no return.

Okay, but now what? My fantasy self is making me go broke!

At this point, you're probably where I was when I made the sudden realization that I was ruining my own life by funding my fantasy self. Or at least I hope you are.

You've come to a screeching halt on the fantasy freight train and you're standing in the middle of the road with a sinking feeling in your gut watching all the money spent and things that it could've been used for flying past you at an alarming speed.

Stop.

Don't dwell on it. What's done is done. Now that you've hit the realization, it's time to face your fantasy self, put them to rest, and build up your actual self.

I promise you, your actual self is a lot more than a nine to fiver. Your actual self has interests and hobbies and it's not too late to save your actual self from your fantasy self.

Time to make the change.

When I made the realization that I was funding (multiple) fantasy self desires over the course of a decade, I was devastated. All the money that had been wasted on lives I was never going to live hit me like a crushing wave.

I sat myself down and had a real long talk with myself. I looked around my apartment and took inventory of all the things I had collected to satisfy my fantasy self. Next I took inventory of what I had that was directly related to my actual self. But who am I?

I realized in doing this that I really like writing, I also really like reading, strong black coffee, travel, and quiet alone time.

My fantasy selves, however, liked expensive name brand clothing that was never worn, or if worn was taken out maybe one time and then stashed away in the back of the closet never to be seen again. My actual self has a very simple wardrobe and fashion sense and that is perfectly fine!

My fantasy selves also really liked collecting Funko Pop vinyl collectibles. If you don't know what those are, they are cute little fat headed figures of popular characters ranging from Disney to Anime. I had a lot.

One of my fantasy selves was going to be a very popular video game content creator on YouTube and Twitch. So I had acquired a very expensive but never used streaming webcam, a rarely used gaming PC, and a multiple monitor set up. This also played into the collectible hoard. They were to be the back drop of said content creation.

Another fantasy self was a gym rat that was going to post a lot of inspirational things on Instagram and be the new face of the vegan health scene. That fantasy self and my actual self, along with the video game addict, are the only ones that share anything. I actually really enjoy going to the gym and living a vegan lifestyle (I've lost 100lbs!) but even then I had thrown money down the Pointless Pit buying expensive gym gear for the sake of having the same thing the influencers I followed on social media had.

I can still play video games, go to the gym, and post inspirational things on Instagram about my lifestyle and how I lost all the weight, but there's no reason to keep all this stuff. Stuff that serves no purpose and brings me no joy, that's where the change came in. I started selling it all.

Out with the Old and In with the CASH!

I went room to room, stood in the middle, and surveyed the land. After a few minutes in each room, I came to realize I had an abundance of random things I truly didn't need! Surely there had to be a way for me to rid myself of the clutter in my life and take back the control from my fantasy self. The majority of the collectibles and very niche things I sold online. I found an app called Mercari and started snapping photos. Within the first day, I had sold 11 of my collectibles and turned a profit!

All those expensive Gymshark leggings? Another app called Poshmark. I sold all but the ones I actually wore to the gym. The rest of the clutter, various clothing items, and odd things I either donated, or sold to a local shop that gives cash or store credit for clothes and other things. Now I have a nice chunk sitting in my savings account for my upcoming trips. I'll be spending my 30th birthday in Atlanta, Georgia and New Years in Durango, Colorado!

I took back the reigns from my fantasy self, paid off my credit card, and now when I'm sitting in my new comfy chair that my actual self wanted I look around my apartment and I see me. I see my personality in the photos on the wall, in the vacation count down on the calendar, in the wide open space that used to be cluttered with all that stuff.

My spending was out of control, to the point I got a credit card after years of swearing I'd never get one just to fund more spending between paychecks!

The realization that I was buying these things to make me feel like I was living a better life was one of the best eye opening experiences I've ever had.

It's just like that guitar from eBay. Owning something doesn't automatically make you become someone who would have that thing. Owning an expensive set of golf clubs doesn't mean you'll be winning the PGA Tour, especially if they serve you no purpose. If you love golf, great! But if you bought a bunch of stuff because you think you may like golf and get around to it some day, you're funding the fantasy.

So next time, before you swipe the card or hit Buy it Now, ask yourself: Is this something I need? Is this something my actual self wants or am I funding another fantasy?

It's ok to start new journeys and try new things but before you drop a few hundred dollars on it, spend a little time thinking about it, research it, try it out first. Think yoga might be the new defining hobby? TRY IT before you buy it. Take a class before you set up your own personal yoga studio in the spare bedroom.

For me, I want to travel. I want to learn and experience new places and things. I want to immerse myself in local culture and be surrounded by the knowledge and stories of the kaleidoscope of people this world has to offer. Not stuff.

You can do it. I promise.

My entire life I've been a habitual starter and stopper. An unfinisher. That's how I ended up in debt and surrounded by useless things. If I can hit the brakes and turn this train wreck around towards better days, anyone can.