What is life like for me? At this point my life is a constant roller coaster; every day is a struggle and a battle with myself. I always apply the most pressure on myself because I have always been my biggest critic, doubter and everything negative that could possibly happen. Looking back on the things that have happened in my life I still continue to have no regrets and try and learn from it no matter how emotional it makes me—no matter how much hurt it causes me I learn to deal with it. Some say this isn’t the healthy way to go about things but it’s always worked for me and when it didn’t I try and find a different way of going about things in a more healthier way. I spent the last year being a person that I thought I let go of, and since coming out of that situation it's been a crazy experience finding myself again and being accepting of what I love about me that others saw as weird or made me feel was wrong.
Thinking back, I learned more than I thought. It gave me the biggest reality check of my life & gave me a taste of what it’s like to be an adult about everything; but it also allowed me to be my free self.
Here’s where the anxiety comes in. I wasn't sure if I was capable of continuing to be my free self not out of judgment or fear but because it was something completely out of my comfort zone. I am a person who gets really excited about new experiences but also scared and will completely shut down and battle with it for a while. So as this journey starts I encountered a situation that was an opportunity for me to be what I want to be; it became intriguing and it actually felt good, amazing & unapologetically weird. I believe this came to me as a sign and a blessing even though it was a very short amount of time.
It's been six months now and so much has happened to me positively, I can't wait to see what else is coming. Let me be realistic as much as I can, this shit is hard as fuck. I cried so much out of anger & hurt but even that got tiring and eventually the things just went away. It's difficult to change your mind and your routine but I try not to view it as a bad thing more as a cleanse. I don't believe I ever stopped loving myself; I tolerated things I shouldn't but it just made me want to focus on my mental stability more.
Although every day I want to cry out of fear of what's going to happen next, I’m tired of overthinking it. I know I look like I’m keeping it all together and trust me I am, I’ve had my days where I pretended and I was falling apart but those days no longer exist. Not everyone is understanding, not everyone is willing, but that’s just the close-mindedness of the world we live in today. I have an aspiration for myself to live in my peace, beauty & strength to be everything I believe I am. I'm excited to finally meet people and explore what I always dreamed about.
I feel for the people that don’t “fit in” or is outside of what is perceived as “normal.” I think different, talk different & walk different. Not everyone can keep up with me and I don’t ever expect anyone too but your dope-ness is what is going to keep you going. I know this sounds like blabbering but it’s what makes me, me.
About the Creator
Chelley René
I am a over thinker. Everything I do is a process. I’m weird but unique & lover of love. My post are my life experiences, thoughts and how I feel. Pull up a chair and enjoy.
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