Starting

Starting some new interest proves to be a difficult task for many people. In particular, for me, it is super difficult. The longer one takes after expressing they want to try something new, they might get chastised for having not started. I think the reason this happens is because those chastising might not have anything better to do with themselves. But I really don't know. I am not them. I think starting is especially hard for anyone who really doesn’t know much of that particular field.

As for me, this is one of the first steps I am taking amongst many more to write more often. I have an idea what I want to write about like theater, acting, and comedy but at the end of the day, I won't know until I start. Not knowing is also a big part of this. When starting something new, I usually don’t know much about it to begin with. But in order to learn, we may have to just jump in it and learn from the many mistakes to be had. This is the first post I am making to Vocal and, to be honest, I am scared. I am not scared of writing by itself, but of my idea that I want to one hundred and fifty percent be honest about what I write about.

I want to write my truth, express thoughts that are running around in my mind that I don't typically express in public spaces, talk about my inner struggles and insecurities. That scares me although I also feel like it shouldn't. It might come from being worried about what others think. I shouldn't care what others think. One of the biggest reasons why I wrote this is that if I tell a joke, not everyone will think it is funny. Same with my writing, not everyone will like it.

Here I am writing this post/article, and it feels good. I know for sure this will be a place for me to document my artistic process and what is going on in my mind during my journey. A struggle I face when writing is there are these different energy levels when I like to refer to as terrains. I use the term terrain because when I am writing, there are moments where I have the words come out of me like water flowing down a river, then there are times that are slow and rough, stop and go, or just completely stopped. But getting to my destination is one of the best feelings to me, like just having sex, or receiving a large amount of money. The best part is that I had to fight there.

The fight I have to go through is psychological, emotional, and sometimes could be physical. I have continuously reminded myself why I am writing, why I love it. I posted online recently that sometimes feeling like crap is good for me as new, up and coming artist. Because it always leads to me not caring about what others think, leading me to do what I really care about but with confidence. It might suck to acknowledge that such messed up moments for me lead to be positively productive, fortunately, it is not the only way. Being around someone I know is trying to start something new makes me confident too. I always like being the example, so when I have a friend that is afraid to start something of interest, I start right in front of them, literally. Although after they leave, I get stuck again. I laugh at myself when that happens, in a good way.

Am I the only one? Can anyone relate? Better yet, do any successful people currently have similar struggles internally? That would be inspiring and motivating!

Until next time, and thank you Vocal for creating a platform for me to feel somewhat comfortable to "start."