rebekah bareswilt
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Soul-Searching in Seattle

A Get Away to Remember

Sunset after snowstorm.

Seattle

This place brings a lot of emotion for me.

In the beginning of 2018, I was at a very low and unhappy place in life. I was fighting so hard to find anything to make me feel fulfilled. I made some life changes. Slowly but surely, all the things were starting to come to me and make me feel like I finally had a purpose and was on top of the world.

Someone had come into my life and added to that need to be more so fulfilled and happy. He proposed me moving here. At first, I thought this guy was crazy and brushed him and his off the wall ideas. He was relocating to the area from the small Floridian town we were from. I figured he was just a little fling that would eventually die out. After he had finally left, I felt inspired, alive, like my life had a new meaning and purpose. I was in love, with the idea of new beginnings, being with someone that got me, made me happy and feel alive. I’m not an irrational person, however—I knew that people can be great and either permanent or seasonal additions to our life. I also knew the distance between us would drive me completely insane. I knew I needed to stay busy, I also knew I needed to double my income.

I took on a second job working in a coffee shop. Coffee was a new founded love and interest for me. The industry fascinated me. I knew I wanted to gain more knowledge on every aspect of it. I was on cloud nine. Finally, I was making enough money to pay all my bills, live, travel, and save. I was always busy, always tired, but it was worth it.

“All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade”—that’s what they say in one of those 90s rock songs. Life was again starting to become the same thing over and over. My full-time job had lost any appeal after about a year of me working there. At this point, I would almost rather go to the gynecologist than spend another 8 hours at this place. Out of loyalty and convenience, I stayed there. After all, the people had been good to me and helped me even personally over the years. I had to re-evaluate this whole work environment. I hated what I did there, I couldn't stand certain personalities, I had heard every little trick and gimmick they used on new people. I was OVER IT. I realized it was just time.

Everything about this place, my jobs, certain people, my habits, etc. was suffocating me. I wasn’t happy. They say everything happens for a reason. The relationship I was in had failed. I was given a purpose and felt as though I was dropped on my face. I had bought a plane ticket weeks before the relationship ended. He and I were supposed to apartment and job hunt for me. Bam. Out of nowhere, he's gone. He was cruel. 

Everyone told me to use the plane ticket regardless. Just get away, go to a spa, site see, whatever. I did. I was almost completely alone in a HUGE place. I came here with a purpose though. I wanted to feel out the place without another person's influence.

I walked downtown Seattle completely alone in the day and at night. I drove through the smaller towns and areas that felt more like home and made me less tense. I felt like no matter where I was going, I was learning more and more about myself. I was learning what “what sparked joy” and what little things triggered anxiety. Everyone from home checked on me throughout the trip. Everyone was shocked that I not only decided to go, but had driven on my own, met up with people I knew from social networking, survived snow all while being sick. I shocked myself. I was happy. I could breathe. I was the only one contributing to my happiness. I did this for myself. No one can take away what I had learned and felt.

As I gear up to go home, I have a purpose. I have a personal to do list. I must reconfigure myself and buckle down. People can pass all sorts of judgement on you, but they don’t walk in your shoes. You know what will make you feel better in life and you know how to set yourself up for success. Don’t doubt yourself, at all. You are indestructible if you choose to be.

I’m thankful for everything and everyone that brought me to where I am today. I know that every positive decision we make for our future leads to more and more positive things in our future. 

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