Sometimes You Have to Let Go x

"One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." —Brigette Nicole

Sometimes the people we hold dear are the ones that may end up not being good for us in the end. This is a brand-new life lesson that I have finally been able to learn, it has been a long time coming, and hopefully I may be able to share a bit of wisdom on the subject. Recently, I have decided to truly better myself and make myself the priority; some may call it selfish, but I call it healing. You can keep chugging along in life avoiding things you know are not good for you, but in the end, who is that going to effect? Yourself. Any decision you make, or don’t make, only ever ends up effecting you… therefore, why not make the "hard" decisions and finally be true to who you want to be.

It has taken me seven years to finally see what my nearest and dearest have been saying all these years, "you deserve better." Sometimes we get so wrapped up in doing the "right thing" or trying to please everyone, that we forget to take a minute for ourselves. One of my favourite celebrities and actors, Wilmer Valderrama, goes by the "one hour a day" method. This method is very simple but something even I started to forget to apply in my life. His philosophy states that, of 24 hours a day, there needs to be one hour for yourself. One hour where you do something for you, whether it be; exercise, cooking, reading, singing, walking, or even just sitting in your favourite chair and relaxing. If we think about our busy schedules and all the things we think we have to do in a day, but cannot fit one hour in for ourselves… doesn’t that sound like an unhappy way to live?

Therefore, I have finally adopted Wilmer’s life lesson and have started to take one hour each day to do something for myself; I find mine in the gym, reading, or watching a documentary. It has given me time to really breathe, evaluate my happiness and what I can do to make myself even happier. Over December, I really struggled mentally, and I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get out of that darkness. It was heart-breaking to see those I care about witnessing me in that way; their sadness for me was increasing mine and it was like a never-ending train of pain. That was when I made my choice; I will not suffer in silence anymore. So, I made the decision and called for professional help. It has been two months since I almost made a permanent, tragic decision and I can happily say I feel as if I’m out of the worst part. At one point, I didn’t think I’d get to this stage, where I am making a real change in the choices and things I do everyday to make myself better. When people use the words, "brave," or "strong," they usually leave me feeling embarrassed and undeserving. However, I now can see why they say that people who admit their problems and fears but strive to make themselves better, are brave.

During this healing process I was asked to think about my life, the people in it, the situations I am in and think about how they truly make me feel. What makes me laugh? What causes me pain? Why does it cause me pain? Who is making parts of my life a bit more difficult? These questions had long winded answers that have taken me a while to vulnerably admit, this not being a strong suit for me, but I understand why they were necessary. One part has really stuck in my head and made a real impact. Whilst writing down all the things I was concerned about: situations making me stress, people I’m surrounded by, who may not be the best to influence my change, etc. The next step was seeing what I could remove from my life/my head and live without to make the other worries seem less. This was difficult; as it is hard to let go of things you have yet to learn the answers to, however, after trying it in small stages I can happily say it is starting to work.

"However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up." —Stephen Hawking

There are times when you must let go of things you once never wanted to lose; they may have once caused you happiness, but that doesn’t mean they cannot become unhealthy for you. This can come in all different forms, whether it’s financial struggles, relationships, friendships, work environments, or anything in between. Once you have been able to let those that are just causing you trouble go, your head starts to feel less overwhelmed and begins to piece together other ways for you to cope with the rest of your feelings. This means that you can start to really think about what will truly help you feel better, rather than keeping things/people around because you are afraid of what might come next. Own your choices, no matter what they are, or who they may not please, as they are yours to make and you have every right to do so.

Finally, this is a note for someone who may have been like me months ago, someone still in a dark place, or even to someone like the 13-year-old me who would’ve given anything to read something like this, so please listen closely. It may seem like the whole world is against you and you must keep people close/keep going in situations that aren’t good for you, but are all you know… but you don’t. You have a choice you can freely make to walk away and own who you are, to think of yourself first for once and do those things you have been dreaming of. It may not seem like it, but I promise, if you feel you have something you would like to say to this world/a point to make there will be somebody out there who wants or maybe even needs to listen to you and those who don’t want to listen will miss out. You must remember that the decisions you make and the things you say can not only help you, but it can make an impact on others. Maybe then you will realise how truly important you really are.

Keep being yourself. Keep reminding yourself that you are important and worthy. Most importantly, try to spread the message of worth to others and stand together to make a positive change.

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." —Maya Angelou