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I recently saw a post online and it was a simple question. “What stops you from chasing your dreams?” My answer was simple, it’s fear.
If you’ve ever seen the movie The Replacements there’s a scene where Keanu Reeves is talking about quicksand being his biggest fear, that feeling where you’re just trying so hard and you’re just spinning your wheels but going nowhere, well I can relate.
That quicksand feeling and fear is something that’s controlled my whole life. Just even doing this, scares the shit out of me, putting my thoughts out there for public consumption; all it makes me want to do is crawl in a hole, listen to some grungy 90s depressing music and be happy in my hole, yet here I am. I’m not sure how this all will go, if anyone will ever read my stuff, if they do if they will like it, but I’m here.
Why am I here? What do I have to offer? What makes me so special to think that I can contribute to someone else’s life? My answer to all of those questions is “I don’t know.” Maybe it will help someone somewhere along the line, maybe it will help me, who knows?
There have been many times where fear has stood in front of me and told me no. To talk to the girl, to continue with a radio career that abruptly ended, to go up on stage and do stand up comedy. For the latter, I’m so scared of crickets, for people to not laugh at what I’m saying, that I won’t even give it a chance, even though I have what I think is the perfect opening joke. I’ve even been offered a significant amount of cash from a friend to do an open mic night, still won’t do it. Who knows, maybe if this whole thing goes well I’ll establish the confidence to do it.
I wouldn’t be here without the encouragement of my friends. I’m very lucky to have had many different sets of friends, some good, some great, some just passersby, but I’ve always tried to learn from those that cross my path. I also try and learn from relationships that I’ve been a part of, even though I haven’t ever had a real one, (Jesus, that was easier to put down than I thought it would). I will always take what I did wrong, or deemed wrong from one girl and try not to do that to the next one. Think opposite George from the Seinfeld episode. Now, at 40 years old, I feel like I have a grasp on my everyday life, not a great one, not a good one, just a grasp, one that allows me to keep learning and evolving.
I like to look at my life in different periods, high school, college, radio, etc., and because I’ve had so many “eras” I’ve seen a lot and learned a lot. Here is where I’d like to pass on what I’ve learned through my experiences and maybe someone will find some help or solace in my words.
I guess for this first entry, I’ll wrap this up. What can you expect from this little portion of this massive world, maybe some laughs, maybe some advice, maybe some stories. As we all know, standing still in the face of fear gets you nowhere. I hope that by me taking this leap into something scary can inspire someone else to take a leap too. Sometimes you need a push to follow your passion, let’s see how far my nudge takes me.