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"So mote it be,
by the power of Three,
thank you Source Energy."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the cool chill of the midnight breeze dance over me and up through the ancient oak leaves. I threw my head back and relished in the Full Moon's energy, soaking in her warm and nurturing rays.
I reached my hands up to the sky, imagining that with each breath I took, the moon's light washed over me like a soothing waterfall, cleansing my mind, my heart, my womb, my soul, my entire being. I felt myself starting to rock back and forth rhythmically, like a mother comforting a sleeping baby in her arms.
My eyes may have been closed, but I could see and feel through my mind's eye. I knew exactly where the moon was in the sky, her bright aura lighting the way in the dark. I saw shapes all around, both shadow and light, shifting their essence, melting into each other, dancing around me. I reached for my white candle which lay before me, holding it up to the heavens as I chanted silently-
"Bless this candle, so pure and white,
with the Moon's aura, so healing and bright,
that I may find the way out the dark, to the light,"
I instinctively reached for my vile of homemade Angel Oil, anointing the candle-
"Angels of love, Angels of night,
come to me, hear my cry,
bring me out of this dark, to eternal light,"
I grabbed a handful of my herbal mixture specific to this ritual and rubbed them onto the candle, the herbs clinging to the oil. I felt the gentle energy of Lavender, soothing my entire being with her strong aroma. I took in the deep cleansing of St. John's Wort as it nurtured my inner hurt, unblocking anything within myself that was holding me back from what I yearned for. The crushed rose petals sent out a sweet, loving vibration that made my hands tingle with the touch.
I placed the candle in the Angel candle holder, humming a foreign-yet-familiar tune. I then lit the decorated candle, placing my hands over its sizzling flame-
"I pray to the Angels, hear me now,
I want to let go and move on somehow,
Give me a sign so I will know how,"
I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, sending all of my energy into the candle's flame, envisioning the flame cleansing my soul, helping me to release what I had been holding onto for so long-
"Fire, so bright, cleanse my soul,
so that I move on and finally let go,
I reclaim my life and choose to gain control,
this pain inside no longer takes a hold.
So mote it be, by the power of Three, thank you Source Energy."
I spent the rest of that night relishing in the relief that the ritual gave me, laying under the stars, watching the flame sway. After the candle had burnt out completely, I gathered my supplies, said my goodbyes to the Moon, and headed into my house to sleep. I could feel the spell already healing me; cleansing me of the past.
Or so I thought.
The next morning I woke up angry, upset, annoyed with everyone and everything. I couldn't help but pick a fight with everyone who crossed my path, whether or not it was necessary didn't matter to me. I was so frustrated with myself. Why was I acting like this? I had lost track of time due to being so grumpy, I arrived late to work.
By the time I got home after this long, strenuous day, I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I barely made it into my driveway before busting into tears. I cried and cried. Each time that I thought I was done, more came out. I cried over the day's frustrations, then over the past couple of month's battle with depression, anxiety, and codependency. I cried over the past year and half, which was filled with a toxic and borderline abusive relationship, PTSD, being rejected by my family, self harm, and feeling so alone through all of it.
I cried until I was screaming and had no voice left, until there were no tears left to cry.
I sat in the aftermath of this internal storm, feeling frazzled but surprisingly relieved, like a heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I relaxed into the seat, leaning over to look at the moon through my window.
It was the day after the full moon, kick-starting the waning moon.
The Waning moon phase was a time of release, letting go, and making room for what one wanted to manifest with the Waxing moon.
It suddenly clicked.
My spell HAD worked, just not the way I thought it would have.
I had asked help in releasing what had been so heavy on my mind and in my heart, and I got it. Exactly what I asked for.
I chuckled to myself, feeling silly for not realizing it sooner.
All of these emotions inside myself, the negative and nasty, had been presenting themselves to me all day as an opportunity to deal with the hurt inside myself, and it had been my asking for this healing and release which triggered all of this. The ritual had just been my form of asking for and receiving this guidance.
I had been so focused on the end results that I didn't acknowledge that the process needed attention.
We as humans get so caught up in the end goal that we forget there is a whole process necessary to reaching that goal. One cannot heal overnight, just as one cannot expect the results to happen quickly, especially if one is not present in the process.
We feel and experience these things inside ourselves, within our lives, and we spend so much time trying to rid of them—pushing them down until they boil over, that we don't realize these things need to be dealt with. They need our attention, our energy, our acknowledgement, our presence. WE need our presence. We cannot expect any kind of results if we are not present throughout this process.
That day had changed my perspective on life drastically. It definitely didn't make my life "easier," but I realized the way to letting go, ironically, was giving that part of myself and my life the attention it needed.
I now know that magic is more than candles, spells, and potions. Magic is getting up every morning and being present in all that I do, all that I experience, no matter how trying life may be at times.
And as I sit here and type this, I prepare for a new ritual; one you cannot find in any Book of Shadows, acknowledging the things that I feel, as I feel them; facing these lessons head on, as they come.
As I prepare for this ritual, I gather my supplies:
A new mindset,
The practice of being present in my day-to-day life,
A handful of acceptance,
A pinch of acknowledgment (use as much as needed),
An open heart and mind (must be paired together),
A sprinkle of gratitude,
A bundle of perseverance,
The will to let go of it all and start anew.