Quitting at the Last Hurdle Is Okay

Before delving right in and explaining the reasoning behind such a title, I would just like to briefly disclaim that this article is not designed to de-motivate or demoralise anyone. Pushing ourselves to reach our full potential is a vital element of self-exploration and achieving the best results possible out of life. That being said, it is also imperative that we learn to recognise our limits and have the strength to walk away from situations that could be potentially damaging to our characters and the quality of our lives. In life, we have a habit of getting ourselves caught up in long term situations that—to put it bluntly—make us down right miserable. Such situations, a lot of the time, have a goal or a target in sight, which we feel is necessary to obtain in order to gain satisfaction from the task at hand. Whether educational, occupational or recreational, these goals are often deemed worth the turmoil one must endure in order to obtain them.

For the last four years, my life has been devoted to the martial art of Jiu Jitsu. A highly rewarding and challenging sport, Jiu Jitsu is all about the art of gentle submission, in which the martial artist uses their opponents’ weight and force against them. Size is irrelevant, as the key to mastering Jiu Jitsu does not lie in physical strength, but in the intricate techniques used and the respectable extent of the martial artist’s self-discipline. For me, I decided that my Jiu Jitsu journey was to come to an end part way through training for my black belt—what most would consider being one of these aforementioned end goals. In the end I felt as though I was giving more than I was taking from the sport, and my mental health started to suffer for it. It took a lot of courage to be able to say that enough was enough, fearing letting everyone else down and disappointing my instructors. If you find yourself in a similar situation where you feel like you have no say in your own journey, try asking yourself the following questions before you decide to continue seeing things through to the bitter end:

Have you already achieved what you initially set out to?

Again, using my personal experience as a template of sorts, I originally got involved with Jiu Jitsu with hopes of improving my confidence and self-esteem. As a young woman who suffers with anxiety, the prospect of learning a martial art was highly appealing. It gave me the power to walk the streets without fear and helped me develop a sturdier backbone. I was able to achieve all of this without having obtained a black belt. This just goes to show that, in certain cases, it is not always the end result that is the main accomplishment.

Does it continue to develop these achievements further?

If you have already achieved what you initially set out to, and if continuing with your journey is no longer rewarding, then you need to ask yourself if it’s worth risking undoing all your hard work for. For me, it got to a point in Jiu Jitsu where I was starting to turn backwards. Without going into too much detail, the atmosphere at training had altered so much since I first started that I ended up dreading every week. What was once an outlet for my anxiety had turned into a one of the greatest triggers for my attacks.

Is the end goal worth potentially undoing all your hard work and harming your mental health?

Some such end goals can often be deemed too vital to give up on. For example, if you are nearing the end of an academic career, you might find it worthwhile to grit your teeth and see it through for the sake of a qualification that would later aid your progression through life. But even in such cases, it’s always a good idea to consider the alternatives; if there are less turbulent paths that could lead you towards your goals or maybe even carry you along to something potentially more rewarding that you hadn’t planned for, perhaps it might be worth changing course for the sake of your mental well-being.

Final Thoughts

While standing in the eye of the storm that sweeps us along the final steps of our journeys, it is easy for our inner voices to become muffled by the external din. It is important to take our eyes off the prize every so often and allow our bodies and minds a chance to speak freely. Be mindful of the fact that the way in which you react to something is a key indicator as to whether the path you are walking is the right one for you. Instead of focusing all your efforts onto one set end goal, try breaking your journey up into smaller milestones—the fact I did not achieve my black belt does not erase the fact that I still reached brown with black tags, and that’s something I can be proud of.

Have you ever put yourself through extreme stress in order to meet your own/society's unnecessary expectations?