Motivation is powered by Vocal creators. You support Courtney Frazer by reading, sharing and tipping stories... more

Motivation is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.

How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.

How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.

To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.

Show less

Push, Push, Push

The Struggle

I push, push, and push. I push my body way past my limitations some days and I still feel like I'm 10 steps behind my peers. I don't know what else I can do. I'm trying to continue, merely survive, but I don't know how to keep up in this busy world. No matter what I do, I’m left feeling exhausted and the things I will try are not enough to add up to the things someone else has already done.

While I work two jobs, I feel I need three to provide for myself and still I would just barely make it. I hardly have the energy to keep up with one, but here I am pushing myself again to survive. I go and I go and I go, again pushing myself beyond my limits. I wonder if I stop if I can find a way to make it, but at the same time I don’t think it will help with paying the bills.

I feel sick and run down and I question if I should quit one. While it would help my exhaustion, how would I make it in this money driven world we live in? All the appointments I need to go to, these things don’t come free. There’s a specialty fee for neurology and physical therapy and anything else that I need. We won’t even get into the costs of medications and the underlying cost of just having insurance to partially cover these things.

When I must take the time to recover, I don't get paid for not going in. My bills suffer and here we are again. I feel alone and defeated and I’m not sure what will help me get to where I need to be. I search online and try different ways, but I feel I’ve succumbed to the corporate ways. Even with a degree I feel stuck and not okay, but everything I need is hopefully going to fall into place.

Sometimes I wonder if there's an easier path. A hidden secret that nobody's let me in. Then I remember, I can't let my mind wander because I need to get busy climbing again. Somehow, I make it work day after day, but I’m tired of just sliding by. I want to find a way to continue and feel like everything will be okay instead of just scraping by and living from paycheck to paycheck wondering what bills to pay next. I can only imagine a day when I don’t have to prioritize the way I pay my bills. If I didn’t have this disease, I think my costs would stay way down. I wouldn’t have to worry about having health insurance at all because I’d be able to survive, or I could maintain a cheap plan. I wouldn’t have all the co-pays and the other fees, and I’d be able to save.

No matter what it takes, I push myself again and again until I make it through. Despite all the ways life gets in the way, I find a way to make it work for me. I keep dreaming of a simpler time, but for now, this lifestyle will have to do. Even when feeling this way, the one thing that has never let me down is maintaining a positive attitude. Things may be tough, but I am learning several different lessons. In a world designed to break me, I come back fighting harder. I’m here to show you that yes; life is hard, but at the same time, it’s a beautiful path full of learning and lessons while we travel our journey in our own separate ways. 

Now Reading
Push, Push, Push
Read Next
Are You an Old Soul?