Popular Self-Help Tips That Do More Harm Than Good

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a huge fan of self-help books. Most of the best self-help books for women are books that currently sit on my shelf, and truth be told, I've tried most of the tips and tricks they offer. My love of self-help is pretty notorious.

To the average person, this might be a shocking revelation. I'm not the type of person who fits the standard "self-help" stereotype. The truth is that I might love this genre, but I'm also very well aware of how many charlatans make money on people looking for a fix for all of life's problems.

The allure of bad advice is often that it might magically solve all your problems, despite not actually being constructive in the least bit. Many of the most popular self-help tips out there really aren't that good for you, primarily because it's bad advice meant for a quick solve.

Speaking as someone who lives by the advice genre, the following tips and tricks really aren't that good—even if they're popular.

"You should vent about it."

Believe it or not, venting is one of the most popular self-help tips that typically does more harm than good. Most people, when they vent, end up thinking about the problem longer—which in turn, keeps them angrier and more upset.

Venting also can be pretty damaging to relationships, too. For example, venting about your SO to other people can make it hard to keep a relationship going with your partner. This is because your friends will start to wonder why you're with your partner and may act accordingly.

"Have you tried this diet?"

As someone who's lost 50 pounds in the past two years, I find this advice to be very dangerous for two reasons. First off, telling people to go to a diet can end up harming their self-esteem. In some cases, it can even trigger an eating disorder relapse.

Realistically, losing weight will not solve all the problems life has. Sure, it can get you laid and make clothes shopping more fun, but if your issue is financial, emotional, or trauma-related, it'll do nothing for you. Telling someone to go on a diet to make themselves feel better is scarily common.

Dieting does not keep the weight off, primarily because dieting is a very temporary solution. Most people who go on diets end up regaining that weight in the long run—and then some. If you really want to make a change in your waistline, you will need to go in for the long-term. It's not a diet you need, but a lifestyle change.

Popular self-help tips always emphasize your waistline, but really, is it that important? Not always.

"Think positively and visualize what you want, then it'll happen."

Thank The Secret for this bullshit from me, okay? Of all the popular self-help tips out there, this one is the most insulting to your intelligence. The universe does not care if you're getting that job, getting laid, or even getting anything you want. It really doesn't.

Positive thinking may be healthier for you, but the truth is that positive thinking will not do anything to better your situation. The most it'll offer you is a more confident, sunny disposition.

I repeat—positive thoughts will not do anything for you. That's the truth about positive thinking. Positive action and working towards those goals, on the other hand, might.

"You can do anything that you set your mind to."

This is one of the most positive self-help tips out there, and it grinds my gears. Everyone has their limitations, and because we have limitations, there's only so much you can really accomplish.

We are limited by everything from money to talent. Those factors can be overcome with hard work, but more often than not, they can't. Our limits are still pretty awesome, but the fact is that, no, we cannot do everything we set our mind to.

A better idea? Learning to cultivate what you have in order to make it work better for your situation.

"Have faith and the universe will give you what you want."

Faith and hope are great things to have, but there's a certain point where it stops being faith and starts being an act of Kool-Aid drinking. It's okay to doubt and question whether things will really turn out the way you want them to. In life, nothing is certain.

Knowing the uncertainty of life, it only makes sense to question things. Giving up, once in a while, is a good thing. It can prevent further loss. Even the best stock traders in history know when to give up on a venture that they initially wanted to back.

Having too much faith isn't healthy—and often can cause losses that aren't really repairable in life.

"Ignore your problems, and they'll go away."

This is one of the more popular self-help tips when it comes to health and issues like bullying in schools. As any bullied child can tell you, ignoring a bully will not make the bully go away. Confronting the bully and fighting back, on the other hand, typically will.

If you aren't confronting your problems, you're letting them grow. The bigger your problems are, the harder it will be to fix them. Nip them in the bud sooner, and things will be better for you.

"If you do X, Y, and Z, you will be able to find love."

Too many popular self-help tips deal with love, and are absolutely awful because they claim to guarantee a way to find a lover. The sad truth is that there's no "one size fits all" solution to finding a significant other or even getting a sex partner.

No one is entitled to a partner, nor is there any surefire "hack" to finding a partner. There are people out there who never find the one, and there's not much you can do aside from try your hardest not to be single.

The reason why these popular self-help tips aren't good for you is that people are not vending machines. They will not react the way you want them to react, just because you did something you thought would work.

People also tend to pick up on the vibes of a person who's trying this on them, and will back away. In other words, this is a quick way to make sure that you shoot yourself in the foot.

"You can forgive your partner and move past it all!"

If you read a book about cheating, chances are you've seen this line in one way or another. Some of the most popular self-help tips involve forgiving people who did you wrong, and "moving past it."

Many self-help books avoid advocating for breakups, even when it's clear that it'd be the easier and potentially safer route for readers. If you're reading one of those books, you need to take a pause and ask yourself why you should forgive that person.

Do you really need to forgive them? Should you really keep them in your life? You already probably know it's not a good idea. Chances are, if you have to pick up a self-help book to figure out how to overcome your issues, you're better off without them in your life.

"Do a juice cleanse!"

In the health and self-care genres, few popular self-help tips are as prolific as the urge to do a "cleanse" to get rid of the toxins in your body. It sounds great, since toxic stuff is bad for you.

What people who advocate for these cleanses seem to forget is that our bodies already have a system devoted to removing toxins from us. Drinking a bunch of juice will not do anything to bolster our body's ability to reduce toxins.

Studies show that cleanses can have adverse effects on the human body and that they do not impact a person's ability to eliminate toxins. Juice cleanses are scams, and that's been proven by science.

"You're fine just the way you are."

I'm all for self-esteem, but far too many popular self-help tips are more about feeling good than actually getting your life together. This is why I can't stand this statement.

Everyone has room for improvement, even those who make achieving success a habit. If you want to improve your life, you need to work on you.

If you need a self-esteem fix, you need to work on that—otherwise, no, you're not "fine." If you desperately want a better job, you need to work on that—otherwise, you're not "fine the way you are."

Successful people are the ones who realize when they need help and work towards it as best they can. It's just that simple.