Perfectly Imperfect

"Take a deep breath."

Inhale, exhale... inhale, exhale...

Momentarily, I feel as if my soul has left my body.

I glance over the vessel that it has bought for residence; examining every minuscule detail. Counting each strand of brittle broken hair lazily tied into a ponytail. Carefully caressing the inflamed imperfection of an eczema induced neck; continuing to linger down towards the sides of what should be bare bosoms. There is a particular patch on her left arm, often is reminiscent of what she describes as lizard skin. Underneath the patch, a small scab of a scar, Which will stubbornly stay imprinted as a reminder of her condition.

Down to the tips of her fingers, nails short and chipped. Health does not seem to body this home of hers, but her physique says otherwise. Fairly slim waist, with a bit of hip; though her eyes see differently. A short little frame. She's wishing to have bigger hips like the notoriously known Kim K., wanting to be of "model status".

Though men may be already physically attracted; that simply does not exceed her satisfaction. She is searching for beauty that lies inside; built up of blood, sweat, and tears. Her mind and body have taken critical damage over the years. Yet the heart lying within yearns to love and be loved.

She is a complete package all on her own, but is constantly overlooked. There are debts I have to pay back due to her actuality being used based by appearance. Her body feels like a prison, she prays to escape. She burrows every thought in mind; without realizing the entrapment is self-induced. I am her, she is I. Soul and body intertwined. Both harmoniously in transit.

What remains locked enclosed by flesh and bones, I reside, a sensitive soul assorted with a beautiful complex mind. Determined to discover the existence of her guardian who holds the irreplaceable jeweled key. She is aching for a love filled with magic, not oppression nor possession. Quickly finding re-enactments of other souls that may transcend hers. Exploring for a love extremely underrated; something of value which weighs along with her own wages. Exceeding years worth of the zillion souls that zoom past.

Her haunting past, plentiful of could haves, should haves, and what-ifs. Where could she have gone? What should she have done? What if she is in the wrong? Tired of the days repeatedly being objectified. Her sexuality is what seems to be immediately imprinted on others.

She is fed up pursuing love; with only the desire of being chased after, all accepting of who she is. Someone unconditionally loving even through her flaws that she is obviously aware of. Surely they exist, willingly sacrificing their time to deeply understand. She makes the assumption that these same standards are what leave her unlovable. The standards she holds of others, but most importantly standards she uses against herself.

You are in the wrong. Darling dear, I am with you; not against. Through your moments of weakness, I shall highlight your strengths. Look to me for guidance. Search for me when in need of self-confidence. When facing trials or feeling like there is nothing left for you; please request my help. Within you is the exceptional love you yearn for. Please do not keep searching for a lost soul unfamiliar with themselves. Recognize me and you will discover an endless endearing love. Overall baby girl, I pray you learn to speak kindly to yourself. There is no need to run away. We are one. And, when all is said and done.

Breathe.

Inhale, exhale... inhale, exit.

Amarie.R