Dear present self,
This is your reminder that everything is going to be okay. You're going to get through this just like you did last time. Trust me, I know exactly what you're feeling right now. Now, I'm only going to say this to you once. Get up, tape up that heart of yours (I'll even provide you with the tape), pull your big girl pants on, and let's get through this. You're a warrior. And let me tell you why.
Let's start by defining what this is. An abyss. A deep, seemingly bottomless chasm. A dark hole. A pit, if you will. A place you spent years crawling out of. But not before, of course, jumping straight into it. I don't know if I would say you hit rock bottom, but you were damn near close. BUT, you pulled yourself out of that train wreck and you have blossomed in this new light. You've spent the better part of the last year happy and whole. You have fallen in love with yourself. You have fallen in love with your soul and you have protected and nurtured her. Lately though, I can feel that wretch of a pit calling out to you again. In the depths of your mind, the nagging feeling of giving up is back. That abyss is hunting for an old victim, but you have to fight it. Do not let your sun dim in the slightest. Don't let it have what it wants.
Let me remind you how broken you were. You surrounded yourself in so much darkness. Even down to the very windows above your bed. You wouldn't let any light shine through. The things you were looking for, you couldn't find. The answers you needed weren't there. The people you needed, figured you were fine. You tossed your hope in the sea of hopelessness. In the abyss you were searching for happiness and found darkness. You let people use you and walk all over your like you were the damn sidewalk. You let them take you for granted, and abuse you. You allowed the dark thoughts to cloud your judgement and affect your perception of everything. You poor thing, you were so lost.
Now, I know that your edging closer and closer to the abyss again. I know you want to give up. You found solace in being sad and alone. It was easier to just give into everything that you knew in the depths of your soul were wrong. It was easier to justify things that should never have been justified. It was easier for you to not care.
You feel like you're spiraling and I know you don't think it's ever going to end. You're mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. But I need you to keep pushing forward. This isn't going to last. When you feel the darkness closing in on you, I need you to sprint to the light. I know your heart is heavy and your mind is clouded but you my dear, you are a fighter. Because let me tell you, hope is never lost. You are surrounded by so much love, you are brave and kind. That fear that is simmering inside of you is lying. Fear is dark, cruel, and selfish. Fear will say anything to trap you in its shadow. Continue to protect your should because she soul needs you. I want you to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. You're going to be okay. I know it. I know it because you already conquered darkness once and you came out alive. And this life you are building is beautiful.
The abyss will call out to you again. But I want you to come back to this letter and remind yourself that you are beautiful, you are kind, you are important (thanks Aibileen :)).
I want to leave you with something that I read once. There are two days in every week that you should not ever worry about. These days are to kept free from fear and apprehension; yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday contains your mistakes, you blunders, you faults. It may contain your love and your care, but it came with aches and pains. Yesterday is out of your control now. Nothing will ever bring yesterday back and you can't undo the things you did. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is beyond your immediate control. You know the facts about tomorrow; the sun will rise and fall, but that's all you need to know. Whether you'll see the sun or if it will be shaded by clouds, it will still rise and fall. This leaves the only day to worry about; today. You only need to worry about the battles you will face today. Adding the combination of yesterday and tomorrow will only break you down. With this in mind, just worry about today and take life one day at a time.
Much love to you always,
Your past self <3