On The Shortness of Life

Life is really short. Don't let anyone say otherwise because they are absolutely bonkers to think so. Just think of how much the world has to offer, and how little time humans are given to explore it all. I'm in grade 12, and right now I'm drowning in applications for schools and scholarships. Until now while trying to plan my next life steps all I've been told is "Oh don't worry about it now. You've got time." And that's been the biggest lie anyone's ever said to me. With so much to choose from there's never enough time. Especially when you're already bad at making decisions.

I've only lived sixteen years, but I can already tell I'm never going run our of things to accomplish. I'm quite content with the way I'm living, and would like to "settle down" with a family later on. I'm just very ambitious and am constantly setting goals, so I'll never be happy just reaching a certain level. I want to constantly be growing and doing great things. I dabble in many areas such as theatre, music, triathlon, writing, academics, so there really is never a shortage of things to do. But with interests in so many different areas, and even with just one of those areas its so hard to decide what to do!

I'm finding it really difficult right now to even think about my post-secondary adventures because there are too many options. Do I delve into the realm of academics and try to focus hardcore on that? Or do I try to make it on broadway, or do I try to become a professional athlete? Who knows! I'm sure I could make time to try multiple things, but it's just so terrifying to think, even if you love what you're doing and are good at it, that you could be doing something just as good at the same caliber. How does one pick their specialty?

The issue I have with my issue is that I feel hypocritical complaining. I try to share the message I've taken to from Yes Theory that "seeking discomfort breeds growth." Meaning that your own personal growth comes when you're the farthest outside your comfort zone. I also try to see everything as a good thing, even if it ends up failing tremendously... So why am I stressed out? Because even though I preach these things, I still struggle with making these a reality.

I've done a lot of stuff on a whim. I auditioned for a professional musical in Toronto hours after racing a triathlon in Boston and used my savings essentially for nothing for heck sakes. But nothing has scared me more than this. I think it's because what I'm about to embark on has more impact than the other decisions I've made thus far. And I'll never know what would have happened with the infinite alternate decisions.

If you've made it this far I applaud you. The above has been nothing short of a waste of your time. I had no direction with what I was writing, and was purely a stressed out mess desperately trying to find clarity by venting to an invisible audience.

Maybe I should try just writing in a journal. Maybe I'll just try to find more direction but keep up these writings. If I did waste your time venting, and you thought this was going to be something worthwhile, I sincerely apologize. If anyone is so inclined to give me suggestions or even say they found something in my words, please let me know. You can find my email on my profile.