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Isn't it tiring when people who have no importance in our lives are feeling the constant need to ask to prove if we are good enough? And they make you question yourself, why can’t I be like a normal person, like them who just can’t get enough of each other accepting their miserable faces of boring choices... but define what is fucking normal? Maybe me sitting, having a battle (not a bottle, well that too, but a bit later) with my thoughts about what is real, makes me more normal than those people who reflect their projection of normality on me. And they are the first ones to vocalize what is good or bad, of course after watching some couching films made by people who think they are wiser than anyone else because they have enough self love to post themselves on Facebook. Like this is suddenly an indicator of the truth, LOL. Sure it is (rolling my eyes). Irony of life, eh?
Maybe I am a total rebel (irony), but I just want people who will understand that maybe it is just totally normal if I do not like touching me too much (because I don't want no prick to take too much energy from me or transfer me their negativity) or it is also fine to laugh with someone (not at) and here too much is totally appropriate, even when drunk at 11 AM on Tuesday, jokes ;) and also having a constant eager to be exploring unknown. Is that too fucking much to ask in a reflection of normality? Just saying. I am so fed up with having to justify my "black bra underneath a white top," do you know what I mean? Who the hell cares?
The game changer appears when some people realize having a possibility of making someone feel objectified, and that gives them some sick sense of power. And no longer I as an individual has any importance, because I do not fit their standards scale. Which made me wonder, that is almost like a life mission or assignment for them to prove that there are better and higher truths. But the real question is why it is happening? Is it because there are some social rules of adjustment, how to be an asshole to others in order to become some authority in someone's head, classifying them to the top of an ultimate dickhead? Or is it a reversal tactic to find someone who can read between the lines, and hear clear and loud the underlined message of needing some attention? And it is some sort of test to measure. I don't even know if it is the strength of a character, or leadership, or just detecting an enemy either friend?
How funny and sad at this same time, it is that people who have not been heard have also so much to say. Surely, there must be a reason why their words aren't received. Is it because of the content? Or is it because of the way saying them? On the other hand there are also people who choose to hold in the voice but their actions are seeking for some response. So they try and try to to participate in the game of "Look at me, I do matter," and that brings me to the contemplation of how people with a lot anxieties want to identify themselves with being normal and fit in—that's a fucking oxymoron. You can't feel yourself trying to be someone else.
The reason why I have linked the normality to the people who abuse it is because of my experience witnessing a lot patterns of pertinaciousness and behavior forcing others to follow their concept. And it is not because it is a cool concept but it is because it is a selfish act of pumping their ego. And that what I have noticed is normality for majority.
The moment I found my own strength with an individual approach to again, be myself (which I promote a lot now days), and I also do not have a stupid need of belonging to a group of people who copy and paste their entire lives, I became uninvited to the normality. Oh well. Nevertheless, for normal people, I wish to be heard, and maybe if they are lucky enough the answers will be given.