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I usually make New Year’s resolutions. I did not do that this year. Last year opened my eyes to a lot of things. My circle of friends got smaller. I was reminded that I am the only one who is in control of my life. I cannot rely on anyone else to make me happy. I did a lot of thinking last year and I reminded myself that there are things that are never going to change. There are people who will really never care about anyone else except themselves. Those are the people who are manipulative and will do whatever they have to do to make themselves look good and other people look bad. I do not want to associate with people like that. That is not who I am. People did a lot of damage to me last year, and I have spent the past few months trying to get out of a major slump. I am not back to 100 percent yet, but I am definitely doing better than I was 3 or 4 months ago.
It is difficult to bounce back after so many people who you truly believed were your friends end up trying to destroy your entire world. It is mentally and emotionally draining. I felt like I was in a spiraling downward motion and did not know how to get back up from it. There were many days that I had to force myself to get out of bed. There were a few days where I did not get out of bed at all. I had to read many inspirational quotes. I had to fish for compliments from people, just so that I could remind myself that I am not a bad person. I slowly started believing in myself again. I slowly started wanting to do more. I slowly started wanting to be sociable again. I was reminded that not everyone is meant to stay in my life forever. It took me a lot of self-motivation to get to that point. I keep reminding myself that not everyone I meet will like me. That does not mean that I have done anything wrong. That does not mean that I am a bad person. It just simply means that not everyone meshes well together. I try to always find the good in people. However, when people have done such horrible things, it makes it all the more difficult to believe that those people are good people.
But enough about last year. Although there is still some unfinished business from last year, I have to try to leave as much of 2018 behind me as I can. Time to embrace whatever 2019 has in store for me. I have started the year off on a good note so far. I am trying to keep my calendar full and stay as busy as possible. I will try to not let what other people say and think about me affect me so much. What people say and think are just their opinions. Especially when they have not taken the time to get to know me. I will not let it get me down. I am going to try to write more this year. I would love to have a short book published by the end of March. I am going to focus a lot more on myself. I am not talking about in a selfish way. I am talking about trying to eat healthier, trying to exercise more (I have to stop letting that gym membership go to waste), and just generally taking more time for myself and doing what makes me happy.
I have always said that I am a strong, independent woman. I think I lost sight of that I little bit last year. I am hoping that I can get back on track this year. I am going to stop trying to prove myself to men. If a man thinks I that cannot do something (or should not be allowed to do something) just because I’m a woman, well then that is his sexist problem. I should not feel like I should have to prove anything to anyone except myself. If men do not like it; that is their problem to deal with.
My goal for 2019 is to just be happy and live my life the way that I want to and the way that I feel is best for me. I do not need anyone’s approval for that except my own.