My First Day in a Gym in 4 Years

Hello everyone. My name is Becky and I thought today I would talk about my first day in a gym in about four years. I know, I’m not overly original with the title. After a months and months of umm'ing and ahh'ing, I finally bit the bullet and purchased a membership for my workplace’s gym. I got the inspiration from my husband, Dan, after he brought one closer to home and was determined that his membership was the cheapest. Me being me and us constantly challenging each other over stupid things, I picked up the gauntlet and decided to prove to him I could get one cheaper. It helped it was on offer until the end of January and I know I had put some weight on recently due to work, home and life etc. I know I needed to go and the more I kept making excuses for not going the more I pushed myself into going. I’m quite stubborn so someone telling me no usually makes me more determined to do it, even if it is myself.

So I paid it in full on the Friday, psyched myself up for it over the weekend and on Monday packed all my gym clothes. This surprised me as A. all still fit me and B. none were moth eaten. After I finished my second job I walked into the uni gym. It’s quite a small gym with the bare essentials but that worked for me because the fewer the space and machines, the less people would be there. Also, I went at 7ish at night, so I hoped that would also help me in not being seen. As soon as I walked in I saw that there were probably about ten people in and I felt a great delight at the number. Their figures perked an annoyance in me but small numbers were small numbers. As I continued to look around, I saw some scales and decided to see how much weight I had put on. I nearly cried when I saw it was three stone. In fact, if I wasn’t in public and so shocked I probably would have been done. That was three stone I didn’t need as I was already big enough. My self-confidence plummeted and I turned around to see these younger, fitter women and blokes exercising. Not wanting to further my embarrassment, I did my session while keeping my head down and felt every stone. I left and I felt at an all-time low.

Don’t worry it gets better. It’s not all doom and gloom. While walking back to my car to go home my anxiety was in full force and started chewing me out with horrible and derogatory comments: “They were laughing at you,” “You were the biggest person there,” “None of the blokes there were looking at you the way they were looking at the other women,” “What’s attractive about you,” you know, the usual. All of these circled around in my head like vultures for food. Fortunately enough, the logical part of my brain soon kicked in and as a thought made its way round started to pick at it. “They were laughing at you,” Were they really or were they just having a great session with their mate? No one there was on their own and everyone was being really great and really supportive to their friends. Besides, really no one cares about other people in the gym, just themselves, their mates and the pain and limits they’re pushing. “You were the biggest person there,” Yeah but isn’t that the reason I’m here? I know I’ve put on weight and I should be proud of myself for recognising it and doing something about it before it got even more out of hand. Also, did I actually look around to see if I was the biggest person there? Plus, did it matter? I’m sure most of them have been me at some point and if I keep at it I will look like them too. Their figure really isn’t unachievable, they’ve just done it for longer. I can’t expect one session to make me thin. “None of the blokes were looking at you the way they were looking at the other women,” And? I’m 28, most of the people in there are ten years younger than me. They probably see me as an older sister or I’ve helped them at work and therefore I’m a staff member. Besides, I really only need one person to look at me and I married him nearly three years ago. He is proud of me and thinks I’m gorgeous so why really do I need anyone else to tell me this? Besides, again I wasn’t looking, just because I don’t see them doesn’t mean it’s not happening. “What’s attractive about you?” This one stumped me for a while but I remembered things other people had said. Dan as always said that my outer beauty drew me to him but my inner beauty made him stay. To him I have great legs, boobs and a beautiful face. I’m always told I look great on a night out by different people and maybe to some extent they had a point. Just because I don’t see it doesn’t mean no one else does. Plus, it’s the gym. None of those fit men or women looked attractive with bright red faces, pained expressions and sweat running down their faces. They’re not there to be attractive, they’re there to be fit and healthy.

After that the thoughts stopped circling and I thought about the good things I had done. I had done about four to five miles on the different apparatus in half an hour, that’s all I have time for, and I felt better. My legs felt like jelly so that’s always a good sign and I was glad I went. I smiled happily all the way back to my car and since then I have been everyday with no sign of my anxiety returning. Since then I started watching people at the gym and noticed that there were bigger people there but no one laughed or mocked but provided help and support as and when needed. The guys laughed together just as the women did. It truly was a lovely environment and I’m glad I managed to challenge my anxiety enough to see it.

So if you are umm'ing and ahh'ing at the prospect of going to the gym, I hope my internal challenges are helpful for you. I hope you read them and realise that while I may have been talking to myself it still applies to you too. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL in your own unique way. People will tell you this all the time and you have probably constantly missed it. YOU ARE FANTASTIC for deciding to do something about what you’re not happy with and more importantly YOU and doing this for YOU. I didn’t do it because someone said I needed to or because Dan said he wouldn’t love me anymore. If I did it for that reason I would never have come back. If someone says something like that to you show them the door, you’re better than that and you deserve a hell of a lot more too. However, I think you should know that I am proud of you for stepping up and making a change just as much as everyone else you know and love is too.

And in the only way I can end this, because I am a gigantic nerd,

The great message of Galaxy Quest: “NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER," and if I've encouraged anyone to go and look up that film, added bonus!