My Anxiety Is Everywhere and Nowhere

Green Man is a pagan deity who has gotten on my case about doing something with my life. He’s right; I need to do something with my life. But my knee injury is something I need to have better first, or maybe I can just push my way through my pain. Green Man is ancient. Yes, I have anxiety and he should take that into account before he pesters me to do something with my life some more. Green Man is a god of vegetation and plant life, in addition to ranting to me about doing something with my life.

In modern times, the Green Man is an aspect of the Horned God, Cernunnos. My anxiety is pervasive but yet it is not all the time anymore. My medication actually is great for this because my anxiety is less evident. At the very least I can hide the symptoms better. The symbols of Green Man are: a growing plant, branches, fruits, small bowls made of earth, leaves, berries, acorns, and nuts (Sacred Wicca). Herbs, made of oak leaves, and grains represent him and his incense is Patchouli. His essential oil is Vertivert, Cinnamon, Sweet Birch, and Oak Moss. Green Man’s favorite colors are green, white, or light blue that represents Air, as well as yellow for the light of the sun.

Yes, Green Man, heal my knee so I can get stuff done with my life. I want to do things with my life but I hold back because of my mother and her need to sabotage me. She has untreated illnesses. My having money would just scare her to death, forcing her to try to take it from me. This is why I hesitate to make money, besides my knee injury, which happened from a dislocated kneecap (all of it), and a fractured tibia. She is none too supportive. I’m trying really hard to get somewhere with my life, damn it. I want to do things with it, exciting things now that I’m stable, able to withstand school. For goodness sake, I just want my knee to get better. At least I have physical therapy for this to happen someday. I’m taking the bus to class because I do not want to drive too much from September to October.

Okay, Green Man, it is called balance. I need to maintain a strict balance. I know you want me to do something with my life but for goodness sake, I have to take it easy still. I’m trying to watch my stress levels. Yes, you want me to go back to school, to make money, etc. You want everything I want. I understand. So send me enough money to buy myself a new, used laptop from eBay. Send me a work-from-home job that I can take on, that I can take. Do something to help me; don’t just complain about my anxiety problems. Yes, I need to go to therapy in October, twice a week. I need detailed therapy.

I have to beat these mental health symptoms. I’ve been able to turn back the tide of my OCD. My family gets stigma for not being treated but nobody stigmatizes me anymore. My mother doesn’t understand there is this thing called medication. She can’t imagine herself stable. I can see what stable is by now. I know what stable is. I’m invested in avoiding my family because of their untreated mental health nonsense. Yes, they are avoided. My anxiety gets much better when I’m not around them.

Works Cited

http://sacredwicca.com/greenman

https://www.thoughtco.com/the-green-man-spirit-of-the-forest-2561659