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Happiness. The feeling that most people are hopeful to actually "feel" and experience. The feeling that is so difficult to describe. The feeling that I work hard towards achieving in my life and one that I wish to experience more of. I seem to be searching for that feeling lately, that experience, those moments that I can just sit in and soak in and hope that they never disintegrate. Happiness, is it a feeling? Or is it an experience? Or is it a place? Is it a state of mind? Or is it just one more thing that people search for and rarely find? Or is it something that a person finds but can't hold on to it for a prolonged period of time?
I have pondered the idea of happiness for a long time now. I have had moments of happiness in my life. These moments are what I call the "ta-da" moments of my life. My wedding was a moment when I was overcome with happiness. Seeing my dad whose dress code for years had been a t-shirt and sweat pants now dressed in a tuxedo and looking more handsome than I have ever seen him looking before. Knowing that he was willing to be uncomfortable for the day for me, that made me feel loved and of course it made me very happy. It wasn't so much because he was feeling uncomfortable, it was because even in his discomfort he had a sparkle in his eye and a look of love on his face. Seeing my hubby waiting for me at the alter and committing ourselves one to another caused happiness to over come me. The day that my husband came home from the hospital after months of illness. That evening I was extremely happy as I had experienced moments where I wasn't sure if he would ever make it back home at all. Words of love, encouragement, and hope cause feelings of happiness to stir up within me. Getting a phone call from my mom and spending time catching up with one another's lives, knowing that even though we are miles apart physically, we still have a strong emotional bond, makes my heart happy. Stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers drop knowing that I worked hard all week in regards to exercise and nutrition makes me happy. Getting lost in a book with a cup of tea beside me and the quietness of the space surrounding me is an experience of happiness that I treat myself to when I am able. Doing something for another and lightening their load causes happiness for me, as does being able to give to others, whether anonymously or in person. Seeing the joy on someone else's face, knowing that I may have had a small part in putting it there, causes my heart to swell with those precious happy emotions.
The fact is these moments don't happen on a daily basis—they are the "ta-da" moments of my life. These are experiences that I am part of that are not part of my everyday existence. They don't seem to happen all the time and when they do occur they tend to stand out for me. They are noticeable, not only from my personal perspective but others looking in can notice them too. If I depended on my happiness to be determined by these "ta-da" moments, I believe that I would find myself in terrible trouble. I may as well just settle to feel apathetic and keep plugging along in life, searching and hoping for those remote times that I can catch the ever elusive feeling of "happiness." How sad that would be. The complete opposite of what happiness truly is.
I have discovered in my life's journey that happiness in much more than searching for the next experience and the next "ta-da" moment. I discovered that I have held the key to my very own happiness all along. The key is pretty simple for me—I have the gift of choice. I get to choose everyday how to respond to life. I get to make the choice on how I look at all sorts of different situations. I can look at them and be mindful of looking for the positive, for the grace, and for the lessons that will benefit my life. I can also choose to look at them with a negative perspective, looking for the worst to happen. I can choose to sit in self pity or I can choose to let the self pity go. I have the choice to put on an attitude of gratitude and put my joy bloomers on or I can stay in my cranky pants and be downcast. I have discovered that I can be happy in the midst of the storms in my life. I am no longer searching for the "ta-da" moments—hoping that there will be one just around the corner. I am now being mindful everyday to look for the happiness in the every day events of my life. I am putting my joy bloomers on and am putting on an attitude of gratitude and looking for all the things that I can be grateful for. Today I am making a choice to be happy.
Be blessed. 💞💞💞.