Making Her Story

Dear self, I see the beauty in you. And I've seen the darkness. Tell me how someone with a heart like yours could ever taste what sadness feels like, only to let it consume her. You don't deserve that, love, you're golden. —D.G.

2017 has definitely been the year of trial and error for my free spirit. This dreadful year has taught me more about life than anything in my 21 years on this planet yet leaves me more confused than ever about who I am and what it is that I actually desire, or where my passions lie. One thing is for sure though... I've been having euphoric daydreams about leaving my state (Michigan) and running off to New York City. A lot of people tell me I'm foolish or it's "too expensive" or just a bunch of scrutinizing predictions as to how I will fail; and here's what I have to say to them... screw you! You see, I don't mind failure. Actually, I laugh at it. And I bounce right back and find a new way to make ends meet. And if anything ... home will always be here... just as I leave it. So yes, subconscious! Do the risky thing. We've only got one life, and we aren't promised tomorrow.

Sometimes throughout our journey, we lose sight of who we are and who we want to be. We live in a constant state of comfort; accepting things as they are while we envision what they could be. Our goals, dreams, and true self are a touch away yet we're scared to extend our hands... afraid of a cut or bruise. No one wants to get their hands dirty or get hurt in the process. But what we fail to realize is that it isn't about the destination, it's about the road trip you take to get there. The small moments that build up, the feelings you encompass, the experiences you embrace or endure.

We, as a human race, tend to limit ourselves and the capacities of our minds. We trap ourselves or live in fear because of the unknown or hardships we know we must go through to grow though. But the journey; the things you go through that make you... uniquely you. THAT'S what makes you who you are and gets you to where you want to be. And that is also what makes us all so different from each other. No one in this damned world shares the same story as the same person. So don't be afraid of experience or change, be afraid of routine and comfort. That one-way street may have a dead end, but that highway has many exits. Take the risk. Find yourself. Embrace the feelings and make those memories.

I wrote this draft back in early 2018, and wow.

Oh, how times have changed, but oddly enough my words were true. Life took me down a completely different path out of... trial and tribulation? My core value still holds true but as I’ve grown as a person... my goals have changed. My mentality surpassed my enlightened 21-year-old self though. And I’ve come back (mentally) to the place I wrote this post in recently... what a feeling. The feeling of love for the world we live in and life, enthusiasm, lust for adventure and experience. Although we all have rough times and tend to stray from the path we thought we had or wanted, one thing is for sure; there is not only one way down this road to our life’s purpose, or destiny. I thought I had it all mapped out, I was living too much for the details. When really, I should’ve just trusted God and let him carve the way but just know he will lead me to my hearts end result and desire. So reflecting on myself from one year ago, I’d say I’m doing okay. I’m living more in the trust process while still putting in work. I see the growth and the maturity and I can honestly say I’m proud. And all I can continue to ask is, God, please deliver me from the way I thought it was supposed to be... and guide me to and through the way it is meant to be.

With love, DxG.