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As I approach my mid-twenties, I wonder how I got to where I am today. It's not hard to figure out, I just can't believe that this is my life. I wish this was a positive thing, but it's not.
With the new year in full effect, I've decided I'm tired of having little control over my life. Let me backtrack a little bit.
College was the first time in my life when I felt like I had a strong sense of identity and purpose. I grew up in a nurturing household but never really found my thing. You know how everybody has their thing, some like music, some like sports, some like art, and so on... the truth is I never found mine, I still haven't. Going to college helped me build confidence in myself, allowed me to build strong relationships, and gave me a place where I was able to put my skills to use in a way that benefited not only myself but my campus community as well. All of that kind of went away after I graduated and moved.
Fast forward to a year and a half later. I have graduated and moved to Los Angeles, California. To say that I have made it would probably be the joke of the century. Of course, I am aware that not many 20-somethings make it as soon as they arrive, but most at least have some sense of direction. I have been working in retail and I am quite terrible at it, I barely make enough to cover my bills, and I have accomplished basically nothing in a year and a half. It's frustrating and it feels like nothing ever changes.
It's the fifth day of the year and I can honestly say that I'm feeling optimistic. The past few months have felt as if I've forgotten who I am, almost as if a different person took over my body, my thoughts, and my words. I am no longer okay with being complacent, I am not okay with feeling this way. I am ready to make a change, and although it's a slow start, I'm confident that, eventually, I'll get there.
If I've learned anything in life, is that success is not a straight line. There will be plenty of times we will have to start over, and although it seems like the world is against us, I'm starting to think it's necessary for us to grow the thick skin we'll need when we least expect it.
This year, I am committing myself to making progress towards finding my passions. I hope to find multiple, as I'm eager to get to know myself better. I am desperate to find my career path, there is nothing I crave more. The unknown has suddenly transitioned from scary to exciting.
If you find yourself in a similar situation to mine, I hope you follow along in my journey. I will start off by reading You Are A Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero. I’ve never tried self-help books, so this is my first step towards the change I want to see. I can already tell you that it won't be easy, as this is not the first time I'm starting over, but I knew it'll be worth it.
Cheers to 2019, and here's to making it the year of recreating ourselves.