I’m currently sitting on my double bed in some comfy trackies in my new duck egg blue themed, tidy room listening to "My Girl" – The Temptations through some speakers while the sun is shining in through the windows… and I’m feeling pretty grateful.
This gratitude comes from every tiny detail of my existence right now but mostly because it’s so visible and clear to appreciate, but I’m well aware that that isn’t always the case; there are times when I feel grumpy, tired, frustrated, or depressed. There are also times when I’m busy and stressed or it’s gloomy and miserable outside and I have no motivation to keep in good spirit. And so, it’s times like this that I remember the kind of person I’m working on and the importance of not giving up on joy just because it sometimes seems easier to dwell on sad things and hibernate away from the world.
But when I am feeling down, I’m never thinking as optimistically as I’d like to because it can be virtually impossible to just "snap out" or "cheer up" even if we want to be able to. When I’m feeling sorry for myself I tend to embrace it and instead of being grateful for simple things that deserved to be appreciated (being able to live in London and go to university and have people in my life I love and care about, for instance) I turn to my favourite depressing ballad and decide that it’s easier to be sad than happy. And oddly, that can feel almost good and seem like the right thing to do, especially when it seems justified. For example, I can let myself get into this state when bad things happen to other people and I feel like the universe is being unfair and the world is a dark and broken place. Obviously, it is important to let yourself be emotional now and then but all too often I know I’m forgetting what’s important, temporarily changing who I really am.
But then I remember that it’s not true at all. It’s not true that evil and awful things should define a whole world and my whole life. Even when I’ve learnt harsh truths in my life that have led me to accept some realities in this world like feeling brokenhearted and being let down, those hardships don’t have to be the entire reality or "just life." Things happen in life that can be seemingly soul-destroying and some things are very painful but (as cliché as it sounds) we never ever stop learning through the good and the bad and we never stop growing.
For me, I have faith and love and I live a safe, beautiful, and happy life and it’s something I always want to constantly work on. I want to write and be creative because it makes me feel comfortable and happy. I want to be strong and prove to people that being optimistic and hopeful isn’t a weakness or "unrealistic" and most importantly I want to be grateful.
Being grateful puts every single thing into perspective for me. I’m grateful for faith that I have that means everything to me and the way I live my life, the kindness and generosity people show me every day and the fun and wonderful people I love in my life who make me laugh. Thank you.