Important Life Lessons

The painful times are the most rewarding later.

I distinctly remember moments in my life where I thought “ I can’t do this” and I couldn’t envision moving past that current state of pain I was in. Now I can look back on those times with gratitude seeing how they shaped me into the woman I am today. Remembering that God will never put something in my path that cannot be conquered helps me to keep pushing. It gives me the mindset that I can handle it. Whatever “it” is.

The ability to have a good time with someone does not mean they are your friend.

So many people are quick to use the word “friend.” To me a friend is a confidante, someone who sees your flaws and loves you anyways. An unofficial family member that you can trust to have your back, even when you aren’t around. The great laughs and the good times are incorporated in any friendship, but a friendship based solely on laughing and good times isn’t a friendship at all. It’s an acquaintanceship.

Not all friendships are lifelong, and that's okay.

Sometimes you click with someone right away, and just as quickly as that relationship forms, it ends. More often than not, it bottles down to two reasons: You lost touch or someone changed. If a friendship ends on good terms, there is no reason to feel guilty. Look back at those beautiful moments and be grateful that you had the chance to be in each other’s world, even if it wasn’t forever.

You are who you hangout with.

There was a time I quickly befriended someone that I hit it off with right away. As we began spending more time together, I realized that no one else really cared for this person. I didn’t let that change how I viewed them, and I tried to be patient and have their back. Eventually I could see that this person was not only toxic, but hanging around them caused others to look down on me. My peers assumed that I exhibited the same character flaws due to my association. After months of trying to repair this person, I made the decision to cut them from my life all together. Not only were they stuck in their toxic ways, but my reputation was being destroyed just by my association with them. Be around people who make you look good.

Voting is important.

I don’t think I ever had the chance to get away with not voting. My grandmother always taught us the importance of education, equality, and to always vote because the right to do so was fought for. Months leading up to my 18th birthday, she persistently asked me, “Are you registered to vote?” By the time election came around, I was actually excited to go to the polls for the first time. Now, being more aware of the current issues we face, I always make it a point that I vote. Whether the election is nationwide or local, it is so necessary that we use our voice.

Your parents do so many things right.

We can be so hard on our parents. In my adulthood, I now realize that while mine were not perfect, a lot of what they did was right. When I imagine doing what they were at my current age, it terrifies me. I think we see our parents as parents and nothing more. When we step back, we can see that they are just humans, taking a shot at the hardest job life has to offer for their first time.

Heartbreak is necessary.

A few years ago I had my heart broken what felt like beyond repair. There were days when I would stay in my bed and force myself to go back to sleep, because getting out of bed hurt and it would allow me to feel all my pain. Looking back, I’m so glad it all happened to me, and in such large magnitude. I think heartbreak instills a significant amount of growth in a person. Getting past what you thought you couldn’t, and knowing you can handle future challenges.

Pace yourself.

I’m extremely impulsive and impatient. The second I discover that I want something I want it right away, and I rush to get it. I’m still learning that everything has it’s own timeline, and to let everything take it’s natural course.

Don't respond when you're emotional.

This is a current practice of mine. I am super sensitive and it is a constant battle to not respond when I’m emotional. I’ve realized that I always regretted my emotional responses, and never regret the rational ones that I give when my head is clear.

You will gain weight.

I was distraught when I discovered that my metabolism was no longer that of an 18-year-old. My mom warned me this would happen, but I was 120 pounds at the time and couldn’t imagine ever being bigger than that. I am still learning to love my new body as it continues to change.

You cannot please everyone and save yourself in the process.

I didn’t learn this until later. Finding a balance between caring deeply for others and yourself—without being selfish—was a challenge. But once you find that wedge, happiness and peace are sure to follow.

Everyone needs to find themselves at some point.

I thought I knew myself until I was alone. In the “alone” period of my life I discovered a lot of issues I hadn’t been willing to confront prior. It was a deep, ugly process of unreeling layers, finding out what needed to stay, and what needed to go. I believe everyone has to go through this necessary phase at one point or another.

I have flaws too. It isn't always everyone else.

I get angry easily. When I was younger I developed a quick temper, and said whatever came to my mind in the heat of the moment. I always had a reason for why it was the other persons fault. “They shouldn’t have said what they did,” or, “Their point of view was wrong.” It wasn’t until I realized that I had issues that things began to resolve. I confronted the fact that although I may be passionate about something, there is a strong possibility that I could be very wrong too. I’m not always right.

Love is not a feeling. It is a choice revolved around sacrifice and compromise.

I feel like this is a thing people know and say, but it is not commonly practiced. I believe two things teach you how to unconditionally love a person. Being married and being a parent. Infatuation makes you feel good, and most people credit that to love. But love is choosing to prioritize someone, regardless of the outcome.

Trying to fit in is boring.

For those who read the post about my curly hair, you have some insight into the way my brain used to work. I desperately wanted to fit in. I wanted to look like everyone else, from the things I couldn’t change to the way I dressed. One day I decided to put on an outfit that I liked, and dye my hair blonde, and I didn’t care if anyone else liked it. After that, being myself became a habit I didn’t want to break.

If something is bothering you, address it. If it's not worth addressing, let it go.

The more you confront situations, the more comfortable confrontation becomes. A rule I have for myself is: “If you keep thinking about it, address it.”

Stick to your standards and morals. People will respect you for it.

One thing I can pride myself on is not being a “yes man” or a pushover. I’m pretty confident when I give an answer about something, and I recently started noticing that people respect that quality about me more than I thought anyone would.

Take risks.

I’m a scaredy cat. Mostly because I am a perfectionist and I want everything to go right all the time. To me, starting this blog was a risk. Because what if I put myself out there and it backfired? What if I put all the work in and no one read it? At the end of the day, if it’s something you’re passionate about, it’s worth taking the risk.

People matter more than everything else.

At the end of our lives, how much you loved and were loved is what matters. I don’t think anyone goes to their grave thinking “I sure was successful at my job.”

Spend money on experiences over things.

I never make New Year's resolutions. Mostly because I know myself, and I know that if I really wanted to make a change I would have made it by now. On New Year's Day of 2018, I vowed to myself that I would spend more money on experiences and less on things. This year I bought the least amount of shoes that I have since I got my first job. Instead I participated in a ton of activities that 10,000 pairs of shoes couldn’t replace the memories of.

Change is necessary.

I hate change, I hate it because I love comfort ability. I like to know what’s happening next. While I’m impulsive with big decisions, I’m very structured with day to day things. Last minute plans stress me out, and big changes throw me for a loop. The more I welcome change, the easier it becomes.

Listen to your gut.

Unless you have anxiety, because then you’re gut is always telling you something is wrong. I can relate. But no seriously, if you have a constant gut feeling that something is wrong, it probably is and it’s worth looking into.

Avoiding wounds makes the hurt more painful. Take the necessary routes to heal.

During a tough year in my life I decided that I didn’t want to feel anymore. I shut down my emotions every time I felt them surfacing. I refused to address my wounds until a friend of mine told me that what I was doing wouldn’t help. After that, I allowed myself to cry and feel all the pain. Those were the most painful months I’ve gone through, but at the end of them I was whole.

Nothing is handed to you. If you want it, you have to work hard for it.

Some days I’m lazy and some days I’m motivated. I know all too well the feeling of wanted to reach your goals but not wanting to do the work. I am not naturally a self-motivator, so I have to push and egg my self on to get anything done. Lately I’ve been encouraged by the end result of certain tasks that it took me forever to start. It pushes me to throw away my self-doubts and indolence and go for it.