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If I Had Known Then

A Letter to a Younger Me

Dear teenage me,

Slow down, sweet child, there is no rush to grow up so fast. You have your entire life to be a boring adult. I wish someone had told me how important these pre-adulthood years were. Well maybe they did, but I knew everything then. 

Learn as much as you can. Be wrong. Then take that wrong and scatter it around your feet, like potting soil to fuel your growth. Stop being so sure of everything. Everything is constantly changing and the truth you know now may not be truth you know weeks from now. Accept that people change and that's not a bad thing. You see not everyone holds a forever position in your life. 

That boy is wrong. You are none of the hateful things he said to you. You are beautiful, you are worthy, and you a far better than this. One day he won't matter. If you allow him to steal your shine, you will regret it for many, many years to come. The first time he puts his hands on you or makes you feel less than, leave. He will say he's sorry so many times—he doesn't mean it. A person that loves you doesn't hurt you repeatedly. I promise you, your happily ever after is out there. This isn't it. 

Work hard. No matter what is you do, put 100 percent of your effort into it. It is so important to learn dedication and follow through. I know flipping burgers and waiting tables is not who you want to be but right now you have to put your soul into that job so that one day when you get that dream job, you are not get used to being lazy and minimal effort. Focus on where you want to be and don't let anyone tell you that dream is dumb. Spoiler alert, you do get to be a writer. 

Those teachers you think are so unfair, they care about you. They want you to succeed. They see you making stupid decisions and it frustrates them because they know you are better than that. They see it, even though you don't. If you stop being so stubborn and listen, you'd see it, too. You are so bright, and acting like you don't care is only cool for so long. Get it together. This is our future you're shaping. 

When you are offered drugs, please say no. It seems like a great idea until you can't function and be a person without them. Addiction sneaks up on you and you won't even feel it taking us over. Before you know it, you are stealing and lying to get high. I want to reach back it time and snack the crap out of you, but I can't. This is a lesson we have to learn the hard way. It costs us a lot but we come out of it. Forever changed. 

You are gonna be a mom one day. A little girl is going to be exactly like you. She's going to swear you are wrong and she will stomp her feet and make you question everything. Be the person you needed when you were her age. Hug her, tell her over and over how beautiful she is even when she rolls her eyes. She probably won't believe you until she's grown, but she will remember. Don't beat yourself up so much. Being a new mom is hard and everyone feels like they're failing at some point. Do the best you can. 

Our future is bright. Beautiful kids. Amazing husband. It's a great life, after we get through the hard times. Just keep your head up, open your mind, and allow yourself to grow. It's gonna be okay. As hard as this chapter is, it's only a small portion of a beautiful story. 

Love in hindsight, 

Grown me

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